Shane Varga Diagnosed with
Hodgkin's Disease
Hodgkin's Disease
By TJ Jorgensen April 17th, 2009
For five years, I have enjoyed bringing excitement to the softball
world through my stories, pictures, videos and taking a simple
league team from South Bend and turning it into one of the most
popular teams in the sport. I have watched this website grow
from one page with 20 visitors a day, to thousands of pages and
over 200,000 visitors per month.
I am not excited about the article I am about to write. This
week, my friend and teammate Shane Varga of Street Kids
Softball, was diagnosed with cancer. Hodgkin's disease, is the
more accurate name for this type of cancer, where it attacks the
lymphatic system (lymph nodes).
One week ago, Shane and I were both enjoying a vacation day
at my home in South Bend. Jason Jeffery and Luke Myers were
also at my home as we sat around talking about softball. Prior to
Jason and Luke arriving, Varga was lounging on a small sofa I
have in my office, and didn't seem to be very comfortable. I
didn't think twice about it at the time, but after Jason and Luke
arrived and we began talking for awhile, I noticed Shane rubbing
his neck in a peculiar manner. He was quiet for several minutes
while the three of us continued to talk then he stood up and said
he didn't feel well and needed to get going. After I asked him if
he was okay, he said fine and left. The three of us never gave it
much thought, and I would never have given it much thought
about him rubbing his neck had I not known what I do now.
After Shane left my house, he went to see his doctor about what
he described as a hard mass type of feeling in his neck.
Concerned, the doctor ordered a CT scan and sent Varga home
to rest. When he got home, he called me to tell me why he
suddenly left, and that he had felt this abnormal mass substance
in his neck and he wanted to have it checked out. Now, at this
point, I can hear a little hesitation in his voice. I can tell he was a
little more than just worried, so I became a little more worried.
"Are you okay," I asked him.
"I'm sure its nothing," he answered. "But you know me, I tend to
panic over nothing."
I made him promise to call me when he heard more news or
results of the CT scan the doctor ordered.
I need to set the stage a little more for those who do not know
the relationship Shane and I have. Shane came to Street Kids in
the fall of 2006. He contacted me because for one, he wanted to
get swings on a good team in a fall league and wondered if I had
a spot, and two, he was attracted to the things we were
beginning to do off the field.
For five years, I have enjoyed bringing excitement to the softball
world through my stories, pictures, videos and taking a simple
league team from South Bend and turning it into one of the most
popular teams in the sport. I have watched this website grow
from one page with 20 visitors a day, to thousands of pages and
over 200,000 visitors per month.
I am not excited about the article I am about to write. This
week, my friend and teammate Shane Varga of Street Kids
Softball, was diagnosed with cancer. Hodgkin's disease, is the
more accurate name for this type of cancer, where it attacks the
lymphatic system (lymph nodes).
One week ago, Shane and I were both enjoying a vacation day
at my home in South Bend. Jason Jeffery and Luke Myers were
also at my home as we sat around talking about softball. Prior to
Jason and Luke arriving, Varga was lounging on a small sofa I
have in my office, and didn't seem to be very comfortable. I
didn't think twice about it at the time, but after Jason and Luke
arrived and we began talking for awhile, I noticed Shane rubbing
his neck in a peculiar manner. He was quiet for several minutes
while the three of us continued to talk then he stood up and said
he didn't feel well and needed to get going. After I asked him if
he was okay, he said fine and left. The three of us never gave it
much thought, and I would never have given it much thought
about him rubbing his neck had I not known what I do now.
After Shane left my house, he went to see his doctor about what
he described as a hard mass type of feeling in his neck.
Concerned, the doctor ordered a CT scan and sent Varga home
to rest. When he got home, he called me to tell me why he
suddenly left, and that he had felt this abnormal mass substance
in his neck and he wanted to have it checked out. Now, at this
point, I can hear a little hesitation in his voice. I can tell he was a
little more than just worried, so I became a little more worried.
"Are you okay," I asked him.
"I'm sure its nothing," he answered. "But you know me, I tend to
panic over nothing."
I made him promise to call me when he heard more news or
results of the CT scan the doctor ordered.
I need to set the stage a little more for those who do not know
the relationship Shane and I have. Shane came to Street Kids in
the fall of 2006. He contacted me because for one, he wanted to
get swings on a good team in a fall league and wondered if I had
a spot, and two, he was attracted to the things we were
beginning to do off the field.
"I remember Shane sitting at my house a few years ago saying the main reason he wanted to join SKS was
to make a difference with his life off the field," said teammate Joe Richard.
Shane and I began a friendship that off season, talking about some plans both on the field - bringing together
his Network Design team and SKS - as well as off the field, building and creating Street Kids Care, the
charitable division of the softball team. With both of us being Christians, we formed more of bond than I had
with other teammates. We confided in each other about issues that concerned our lives - how we were
feeling, emotions and such. We opened up to each other, sharing our aspirations and our fears. Sure, we
both had plenty of friends, but we also knew that we could confide in each other about things that some
friends just would not understand, or even poke fun at. This relationship grew over the next couple of years
and I made Shane one of my closest confidants in the organization as it began to grown. He stepped up
behind the scenes with Street Kids Care, along with his wife Amy, they came up with more ideas and
solutions to take Street Kids Care to another level. So because of my relationship with Shane, you can
understand why I was bothered when I received a phone call this past Monday afternoon from Shane, telling
me simply...
"It appears... that I have cancer."
"Shane Varga, this better be one of your jokes."
"TJ, this would be one of those times that I wish I was joking."
I received that phone call Monday afternoon and just sunk into my chair at work. One of my closest friends
and teammates just told me he has cancer. How do you reply to that? What can you say? Outside of my
sister having cancer when we were very young, and my mother battling a form of breast cancer, I had never
experienced the disease to close to home.
I vowed to do whatever I needed to help him get through this tough time. He didn't seem to be as down as I
thought he would after being told you have cancer. But the next day, he was feeling pretty low, saying that
the reality of what happened had just set in.
It turns out that in the CT scan, more than just the area on his neck was discovered, in fact a 6" long growth
was found behind his sternum, thus immediately making this form of Hodgkin's a stage two cancer, being in
more than one place. Shane and I spoke several times between Monday and Thursday, but when we talked
for awhile on Monday night he said that an appointment was made with an oncologist for Friday and then
another appointment needed to be made to have a biopsy done, to find out just how bad this could be. I
told Shane he needed to call them back in the morning (Tuesday) and beg to be seen sooner. He did, and
they moved up his consultation to Wednesday with the oncologist. Upon review of the CT results and
checking the area on Shane's neck, the doctor ordered surgery the very next day.
On Thursday afternoon, Shane was having surgery to remove the enlarged lymph node from his neck, which
turned out to be the size of a golf ball, so that it can go through a pathology process to find out exactly what
it is. A bone marrow test was also taken (a very uncomfortable test where, as Shane described it, was like
taking a cork screw and drilling all the way to your bone). This was so they can determine what stage his
cancer is in.
In order to get a better opinion of the stages of cancer, I did some research online about it and here is what I
discovered from Jessica Evert, MD:
Following a positive identification of cancer, doctors will try to establish the stage of the cancer. Cancers are
ranked into stages depending on the extent of their growth and spread through the body; stages correspond
with severity. Determining the stage of a given cancer helps doctors to make treatment recommendations, to
form a likely outcome scenario for what will happen to the patient (prognosis), and to communicate
effectively with other doctors.
There are multiple staging scales in use. One of the most common ranks cancers into five progressively more
severe stages: 0, I, II, III, and IV. Stage 0 cancer is cancer that is just beginning, involving just a few cells.
Stages I, II, III, and IV represent progressively more advanced cancers, characterized by larger tumor sizes,
more tumors, the aggressiveness with which the cancer grows and spreads, and the extent to which the
cancer has spread to infect adjacent tissues and body organs.
While Shane was having his enlarged lymph node removed from his neck, the doctors found that there are
more enlarged lymph nodes. But this operation was not to clean out the cancerous lymph nodes, but to get
the one by the neck so they can do a biopsy on it to determine exactly what is going on.
The also discovered that Varga had an enlarged
spleen, and that the growth behind his sternum
was about the size of a large fist. This as well as
the other enlarged lymph nodes would have to be
killed by either radiation or chemotherapy, which
is the use of medicines or drugs to treat disease.
Many times this treatment is called just "chemo."
Surgery and radiation therapy remove, kill, or
damage cancer cells in a certain area, but chemo
works throughout the whole body. Chemo can
kill cancer cells that have metastasized or spread
to parts of the body far away from the primary
(original) tumor.
This morning (Friday), about the time that
hundreds of people are reading this article, Shane will be going through another test called a PET scan.
Positron emission tomography (PET), is a type of nuclear medicine imaging. Nuclear medicine is a branch of
medical imaging that uses small amounts of radioactive material to diagnose or treat a variety of diseases,
including many types of cancers, heart disease and certain other abnormalities within the body. Varga is
having this test done to see if the cancer is in other parts of his body, because they already discovered the
ones in his neck and chest.
Sometime early next week, Shane and his wife Amy will have the results back from several of the tests that
he has gone through, and by this time they will have a more clear perception of exactly what lies ahead for
their family. In the meantime, Shane and I continue our talks and as I broke the news to our team that he had
cancer, Shane found out that he has a lot of people praying for him and hoping for the best.
Thursday night, Joe Horvath and I went to see Shane at his home in Granger and I think it might have been
one of the best feelings he has had this week. Amy told me on the phone before we came over that he was
not feeling very "up" but he would like to see us. But after spending a couple of ours with Shane, laughing
and talking about other things besides whats going on, it was easy to forget for a few moments what actually
was going on. For awhile, it was three friends talking about everyday things. There were no tests, no
surgeries, no cancer. Just laughs and stories.
When I got home, I called Shane to talk a little more deeply about how he was feeling. I asked him if he
wanted me to go through with this story. He told me that he feels that he has a story to tell and I was the one
to help him tell this story.
I asked Shane what his biggest fear is.
"I think at this very moment, just waiting," he said softly. "Waiting for
the results, the stages, the classification, the success rate. Just to
know what I am up against, you know?"
I asked Shane what he thinks about as he tried to sleep this week.
"I think about staying positive. Not just for myself, but for my wife and
family. I think I can handle whatever is dealt me, but its the feeling that
others have that makes it so hard. When my wife was going through her
very painful procedures this past fall and winter, I told God to take it out of her and give it to me.
While I don't think that was the case, but it sure is ironic."
So by staying positive, you feel you can keep others positive?
"In a way, yea, but when you think of cancer, you always think of the worst thing. And I hate that
people will have to think like that. I don't want my family to go through the pain."
Now that you know what has just happened, can you look back over the past year or so and think about
how you felt during some times that prevented you from playing softball?
"Now I can, sure. Looking back, I remember how I
could play a few games on Saturday in a tournament
and be absolutely exhausted and tired that night and,
even more, the next day. It was more than just
fatigue or aching muscles, it was like I had no energy
at all. And my play showed it. I went from having a
MVP season in 2007, to hitting .550 in 2008, before
finally shutting it down because of my body hurting
all the time."
The scary part of this story is that if it were actually
attributed to this, how long did it go unnoticed? Could
Shane have had these enlarged lymph nodes for over a
year?
"I guess the tests next week will show that."
For now, all of Shane's friends and family can do just what he is doing: waiting. Waiting to see the results,
waiting for some answers to what is going on within his body.
One thing we know for sure is that Shane Varga is about to start a new game. And its not the game he has
played on the field for so many years, where he competed for state and national titles. This game has so
much more at stake. In this game, Shane Varga is fighting for his life. But one thing is for sure... just like on
the field, Shane will not have to fight this battle alone.
We love you, Shane and will be right beside you all the way.
To post a comment on the Street Kids message board and show Shane Varga your support, click
here.
StreetKidsSoftball.com will cover every step that Shane and his family takes as he battles Hodgkin's
disease, as Shane has given us the blessing to do so. Continue to look for more information as it
becomes available on Shane and his new brave fight to defeat cancer. To reach Shane via email,
please sent it to me, at TJ@StreetKidsSoftball.com, and I will forward it to his personal account.
Special Section - What is Hodgkin's disease?
Hodgkin's disease is one of a group of cancers called lymphomas. Lymphoma is a general term for cancers
that develop in the lymphatic system. Hodgkin's disease, an uncommon lymphoma, accounts for less than 1
percent of all cases of cancer in this country. Other cancers of the lymphatic system are called non-
Hodgkin's lymphomas. Non-Hodgkin's lymphomas are the subject of another NCI booklet, What You
Need To Know About™ Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
The lymphatic system is part of the body's immune system. It helps the body fight disease and infection. The
lymphatic system includes a network of thin lymphatic vessels that branch, like blood vessels, into tissues
throughout the body. Lymphatic vessels carry lymph, a colorless, watery fluid that contains infection-fighting
cells called lymphocytes. Along this network of vessels are small organs called lymph nodes. Clusters of
lymph nodes are found in the underarms, groin, neck, chest, and abdomen. Other parts of the lymphatic
system are the spleen, thymus, tonsils, and bone marrow. Lymphatic tissue is also found in other parts of the
body, including the stomach, intestines, and skin.
Cancer is a group of many related diseases that begin in cells, the body's basic unit of life. To understand
Hodgkin's disease, it is helpful to know about normal cells and what happens when they become cancerous.
The body is made up of many types of cells. Normally, cells grow and divide to produce more cells only
when the body needs them. This orderly process helps keep the body healthy. Sometimes cells keep
dividing when new cells are not needed, creating a mass of extra tissue. This mass is called a growth or
tumor. Tumors can be either benign (not cancerous) or malignant (cancerous).
In Hodgkin's disease, cells in the lymphatic system become abnormal. They divide too rapidly and grow
without any order or control. Because lymphatic tissue is present in many parts of the body, Hodgkin's
disease can start almost anywhere. Hodgkin's disease may occur in a single lymph node, a group of lymph
nodes, or, sometimes, in other parts of the lymphatic system such as the bone marrow and spleen. This type
of cancer tends to spread in a fairly orderly way from one group of lymph nodes to the next group. For
example, Hodgkin's disease that arises in the lymph nodes in the neck spreads first to the nodes above the
collarbones, and then to the lymph nodes under the arms and within the chest. Eventually, it can spread to
almost any other part of the body.
to make a difference with his life off the field," said teammate Joe Richard.
Shane and I began a friendship that off season, talking about some plans both on the field - bringing together
his Network Design team and SKS - as well as off the field, building and creating Street Kids Care, the
charitable division of the softball team. With both of us being Christians, we formed more of bond than I had
with other teammates. We confided in each other about issues that concerned our lives - how we were
feeling, emotions and such. We opened up to each other, sharing our aspirations and our fears. Sure, we
both had plenty of friends, but we also knew that we could confide in each other about things that some
friends just would not understand, or even poke fun at. This relationship grew over the next couple of years
and I made Shane one of my closest confidants in the organization as it began to grown. He stepped up
behind the scenes with Street Kids Care, along with his wife Amy, they came up with more ideas and
solutions to take Street Kids Care to another level. So because of my relationship with Shane, you can
understand why I was bothered when I received a phone call this past Monday afternoon from Shane, telling
me simply...
"It appears... that I have cancer."
"Shane Varga, this better be one of your jokes."
"TJ, this would be one of those times that I wish I was joking."
I received that phone call Monday afternoon and just sunk into my chair at work. One of my closest friends
and teammates just told me he has cancer. How do you reply to that? What can you say? Outside of my
sister having cancer when we were very young, and my mother battling a form of breast cancer, I had never
experienced the disease to close to home.
I vowed to do whatever I needed to help him get through this tough time. He didn't seem to be as down as I
thought he would after being told you have cancer. But the next day, he was feeling pretty low, saying that
the reality of what happened had just set in.
It turns out that in the CT scan, more than just the area on his neck was discovered, in fact a 6" long growth
was found behind his sternum, thus immediately making this form of Hodgkin's a stage two cancer, being in
more than one place. Shane and I spoke several times between Monday and Thursday, but when we talked
for awhile on Monday night he said that an appointment was made with an oncologist for Friday and then
another appointment needed to be made to have a biopsy done, to find out just how bad this could be. I
told Shane he needed to call them back in the morning (Tuesday) and beg to be seen sooner. He did, and
they moved up his consultation to Wednesday with the oncologist. Upon review of the CT results and
checking the area on Shane's neck, the doctor ordered surgery the very next day.
On Thursday afternoon, Shane was having surgery to remove the enlarged lymph node from his neck, which
turned out to be the size of a golf ball, so that it can go through a pathology process to find out exactly what
it is. A bone marrow test was also taken (a very uncomfortable test where, as Shane described it, was like
taking a cork screw and drilling all the way to your bone). This was so they can determine what stage his
cancer is in.
In order to get a better opinion of the stages of cancer, I did some research online about it and here is what I
discovered from Jessica Evert, MD:
Following a positive identification of cancer, doctors will try to establish the stage of the cancer. Cancers are
ranked into stages depending on the extent of their growth and spread through the body; stages correspond
with severity. Determining the stage of a given cancer helps doctors to make treatment recommendations, to
form a likely outcome scenario for what will happen to the patient (prognosis), and to communicate
effectively with other doctors.
There are multiple staging scales in use. One of the most common ranks cancers into five progressively more
severe stages: 0, I, II, III, and IV. Stage 0 cancer is cancer that is just beginning, involving just a few cells.
Stages I, II, III, and IV represent progressively more advanced cancers, characterized by larger tumor sizes,
more tumors, the aggressiveness with which the cancer grows and spreads, and the extent to which the
cancer has spread to infect adjacent tissues and body organs.
While Shane was having his enlarged lymph node removed from his neck, the doctors found that there are
more enlarged lymph nodes. But this operation was not to clean out the cancerous lymph nodes, but to get
the one by the neck so they can do a biopsy on it to determine exactly what is going on.
The also discovered that Varga had an enlarged
spleen, and that the growth behind his sternum
was about the size of a large fist. This as well as
the other enlarged lymph nodes would have to be
killed by either radiation or chemotherapy, which
is the use of medicines or drugs to treat disease.
Many times this treatment is called just "chemo."
Surgery and radiation therapy remove, kill, or
damage cancer cells in a certain area, but chemo
works throughout the whole body. Chemo can
kill cancer cells that have metastasized or spread
to parts of the body far away from the primary
(original) tumor.
This morning (Friday), about the time that
hundreds of people are reading this article, Shane will be going through another test called a PET scan.
Positron emission tomography (PET), is a type of nuclear medicine imaging. Nuclear medicine is a branch of
medical imaging that uses small amounts of radioactive material to diagnose or treat a variety of diseases,
including many types of cancers, heart disease and certain other abnormalities within the body. Varga is
having this test done to see if the cancer is in other parts of his body, because they already discovered the
ones in his neck and chest.
Sometime early next week, Shane and his wife Amy will have the results back from several of the tests that
he has gone through, and by this time they will have a more clear perception of exactly what lies ahead for
their family. In the meantime, Shane and I continue our talks and as I broke the news to our team that he had
cancer, Shane found out that he has a lot of people praying for him and hoping for the best.
Thursday night, Joe Horvath and I went to see Shane at his home in Granger and I think it might have been
one of the best feelings he has had this week. Amy told me on the phone before we came over that he was
not feeling very "up" but he would like to see us. But after spending a couple of ours with Shane, laughing
and talking about other things besides whats going on, it was easy to forget for a few moments what actually
was going on. For awhile, it was three friends talking about everyday things. There were no tests, no
surgeries, no cancer. Just laughs and stories.
When I got home, I called Shane to talk a little more deeply about how he was feeling. I asked him if he
wanted me to go through with this story. He told me that he feels that he has a story to tell and I was the one
to help him tell this story.
I asked Shane what his biggest fear is.
"I think at this very moment, just waiting," he said softly. "Waiting for
the results, the stages, the classification, the success rate. Just to
know what I am up against, you know?"
I asked Shane what he thinks about as he tried to sleep this week.
"I think about staying positive. Not just for myself, but for my wife and
family. I think I can handle whatever is dealt me, but its the feeling that
others have that makes it so hard. When my wife was going through her
very painful procedures this past fall and winter, I told God to take it out of her and give it to me.
While I don't think that was the case, but it sure is ironic."
So by staying positive, you feel you can keep others positive?
"In a way, yea, but when you think of cancer, you always think of the worst thing. And I hate that
people will have to think like that. I don't want my family to go through the pain."
Now that you know what has just happened, can you look back over the past year or so and think about
how you felt during some times that prevented you from playing softball?
"Now I can, sure. Looking back, I remember how I
could play a few games on Saturday in a tournament
and be absolutely exhausted and tired that night and,
even more, the next day. It was more than just
fatigue or aching muscles, it was like I had no energy
at all. And my play showed it. I went from having a
MVP season in 2007, to hitting .550 in 2008, before
finally shutting it down because of my body hurting
all the time."
The scary part of this story is that if it were actually
attributed to this, how long did it go unnoticed? Could
Shane have had these enlarged lymph nodes for over a
year?
"I guess the tests next week will show that."
For now, all of Shane's friends and family can do just what he is doing: waiting. Waiting to see the results,
waiting for some answers to what is going on within his body.
One thing we know for sure is that Shane Varga is about to start a new game. And its not the game he has
played on the field for so many years, where he competed for state and national titles. This game has so
much more at stake. In this game, Shane Varga is fighting for his life. But one thing is for sure... just like on
the field, Shane will not have to fight this battle alone.
We love you, Shane and will be right beside you all the way.
To post a comment on the Street Kids message board and show Shane Varga your support, click
here.
StreetKidsSoftball.com will cover every step that Shane and his family takes as he battles Hodgkin's
disease, as Shane has given us the blessing to do so. Continue to look for more information as it
becomes available on Shane and his new brave fight to defeat cancer. To reach Shane via email,
please sent it to me, at TJ@StreetKidsSoftball.com, and I will forward it to his personal account.
Special Section - What is Hodgkin's disease?
Hodgkin's disease is one of a group of cancers called lymphomas. Lymphoma is a general term for cancers
that develop in the lymphatic system. Hodgkin's disease, an uncommon lymphoma, accounts for less than 1
percent of all cases of cancer in this country. Other cancers of the lymphatic system are called non-
Hodgkin's lymphomas. Non-Hodgkin's lymphomas are the subject of another NCI booklet, What You
Need To Know About™ Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
The lymphatic system is part of the body's immune system. It helps the body fight disease and infection. The
lymphatic system includes a network of thin lymphatic vessels that branch, like blood vessels, into tissues
throughout the body. Lymphatic vessels carry lymph, a colorless, watery fluid that contains infection-fighting
cells called lymphocytes. Along this network of vessels are small organs called lymph nodes. Clusters of
lymph nodes are found in the underarms, groin, neck, chest, and abdomen. Other parts of the lymphatic
system are the spleen, thymus, tonsils, and bone marrow. Lymphatic tissue is also found in other parts of the
body, including the stomach, intestines, and skin.
Cancer is a group of many related diseases that begin in cells, the body's basic unit of life. To understand
Hodgkin's disease, it is helpful to know about normal cells and what happens when they become cancerous.
The body is made up of many types of cells. Normally, cells grow and divide to produce more cells only
when the body needs them. This orderly process helps keep the body healthy. Sometimes cells keep
dividing when new cells are not needed, creating a mass of extra tissue. This mass is called a growth or
tumor. Tumors can be either benign (not cancerous) or malignant (cancerous).
In Hodgkin's disease, cells in the lymphatic system become abnormal. They divide too rapidly and grow
without any order or control. Because lymphatic tissue is present in many parts of the body, Hodgkin's
disease can start almost anywhere. Hodgkin's disease may occur in a single lymph node, a group of lymph
nodes, or, sometimes, in other parts of the lymphatic system such as the bone marrow and spleen. This type
of cancer tends to spread in a fairly orderly way from one group of lymph nodes to the next group. For
example, Hodgkin's disease that arises in the lymph nodes in the neck spreads first to the nodes above the
collarbones, and then to the lymph nodes under the arms and within the chest. Eventually, it can spread to
almost any other part of the body.
Update: Test
Results Indicate
Good News!
Results Indicate
Good News!
by TJ Jorgensen
South Bend, IN 4/21/09
In a week filled with bad news and tragedy,
some good news is happily welcome anytime.
Shane Varga, who was diagnosed with cancer
last week, reported that the test results that all
of us were anxiously awaiting came back with
some very good news for the former batting
champion.
"When we first met with the oncologist, we
were looking at this being a possible stage
three of four," said the 31 year old athlete
on Tuesday. "After the bone marrow sample
test came back normal and my spleen that
they deemed enlarged a week ago came
back normal, we now have a confirmed
stage two diagnosis."
What does that mean?
"I basically means I went from a 60-70%
cure rate to a 96% cure rate," Varga added.
Which means VERY, VERY good news for not only Shane and Amy Varga, but for the many friends and
family members that have been worried and praying for him for the past week! I was at lunch with my wife
today when I got the call from Shane, telling me he got his results back. I dropped my fork, awaiting more.
"Well?" I said.
"Looks like I am going to be going through some chemotherapy for the next six months," he replied.
"And?"
"And I have a 96% chance of being cured," he said very calmly.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" I yelled. "That is the best news I have heard in the last week!"
With the recent passing of softball player Alberto Naranjo from a softball accident on Saturday, this news
could not have come at a better time for the Street Kids/Suburban organization. Shane will go through six
months of chemo, with him receiving treatment every 15 days. He will not have to go with radiation at this
time. The doctor said he suspects it has been working in me for at least the last six to nine months.
"Its not genetic and more than likely it could have stemmed from as far back as 10-15 years ago," he added.
On Wednesday, Shane will have to get his heart and lungs tested to make sure they can handle the drugs. He
also has to get a "port" inserted into his chest so he will not have to have the chemo through an IV. They just
insert the port and when he goes through chemo they just use it to pump Shane full of the treatment.
Hundreds of people have commented on the message board, or emailed me, or contacted Shane telling him
how much they will be praying for him. Well, this just goes to show you the power of prayer. Thank you to
everyone for your support of the SKS organization and more importantly, to Shane Varga. Please do not
stop your prayers and support, as he still has a long road ahead of him.
We love you, Shane-o!
South Bend, IN 4/21/09
In a week filled with bad news and tragedy,
some good news is happily welcome anytime.
Shane Varga, who was diagnosed with cancer
last week, reported that the test results that all
of us were anxiously awaiting came back with
some very good news for the former batting
champion.
"When we first met with the oncologist, we
were looking at this being a possible stage
three of four," said the 31 year old athlete
on Tuesday. "After the bone marrow sample
test came back normal and my spleen that
they deemed enlarged a week ago came
back normal, we now have a confirmed
stage two diagnosis."
What does that mean?
"I basically means I went from a 60-70%
cure rate to a 96% cure rate," Varga added.
Which means VERY, VERY good news for not only Shane and Amy Varga, but for the many friends and
family members that have been worried and praying for him for the past week! I was at lunch with my wife
today when I got the call from Shane, telling me he got his results back. I dropped my fork, awaiting more.
"Well?" I said.
"Looks like I am going to be going through some chemotherapy for the next six months," he replied.
"And?"
"And I have a 96% chance of being cured," he said very calmly.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" I yelled. "That is the best news I have heard in the last week!"
With the recent passing of softball player Alberto Naranjo from a softball accident on Saturday, this news
could not have come at a better time for the Street Kids/Suburban organization. Shane will go through six
months of chemo, with him receiving treatment every 15 days. He will not have to go with radiation at this
time. The doctor said he suspects it has been working in me for at least the last six to nine months.
"Its not genetic and more than likely it could have stemmed from as far back as 10-15 years ago," he added.
On Wednesday, Shane will have to get his heart and lungs tested to make sure they can handle the drugs. He
also has to get a "port" inserted into his chest so he will not have to have the chemo through an IV. They just
insert the port and when he goes through chemo they just use it to pump Shane full of the treatment.
Hundreds of people have commented on the message board, or emailed me, or contacted Shane telling him
how much they will be praying for him. Well, this just goes to show you the power of prayer. Thank you to
everyone for your support of the SKS organization and more importantly, to Shane Varga. Please do not
stop your prayers and support, as he still has a long road ahead of him.
We love you, Shane-o!
Shane Varga Update: My Own Words
by Shane Varga, 5-15-09
by Shane Varga, 5-15-09
The last several weeks can be
summed up by saying it has been
filled with struggles, ups and down,
learning experiences, and life lessons.
For those of you wondering what
chemo feels like, I will tell you what
it feels like to me. The day of chemo
is not really that bad at all. I don't get
real nauseous or tired the day of
chemo, but the next few days get
progressively worse. Try to imagine
the worst hangover you have ever had.
Think of the way your stomach felt
sour, unsettled, and irritated. Multiply
the severity of that by about 5 and that
is what the next 2-3 days feel like to
me all day long. Keep in mind that this is WITH 4-5 drugs in my system for anti-nausea. I do get several
hours of relief throughout the day, but I never know when it is going to happen for me. At these times I take
advantage of it by eating as much as I can and anyone who knows me knows that my ability to consume large
amounts of food can be pretty impressive. This has actually helped me to gain 2lbs since my treatments began.
The side effect that is the worst for me is fatigue. I would describe my fatigue as the energy level one would
have with a severe case of the flu when your dehydrated and possibly considering going to the hospital for
fluids because you feel so drained. However, that is not how I feel because my fatigue is not a tired, I was
trying to give you an idea of the energy level I have to work with for that same period of 2-3 days after my
chemo treatments. The fatigue I feel is one that I can only describe as coming from the inside out. It is an inner
fatigue that you can feel down to your core. You can literally feel it in your bones. It is beyond and different
from the feeling of exhaustion. Think of a battery that is very low. You cannot recharge it, you just have
whatever is in it to work with. This does get better after about 5 days and the nausea does as well. However,
if you think of my energy like the battery I described, if I was full before this started (even though I still had
cancer) even on my best day I only have about 40-50% of that energy to work with. So, I can wake up
strong and feeling pretty normal, but everyday tasks wear me down quickly. No more heavy lifting, running for
distance or speed, or strenuous activities. I can probably do those things, but it is not worth how my body will
recover. The next 9 months (6 months of chemo and 3 months more to get it out of my system) will just be an
adjustment in which I have to accept I am not the same person I was before this started. Having said that, I
still exercise because it is important, but my workouts are extremely light and more for maintaining and getting
my heart rate up compared to muscle building and endurance training.
I don't say these things so that people will feel sorry for me or for pity, I only share my struggles because of the
curiosity of those of you who are lucky enough to not know anyone who has gone through this before.
Treatments are different for everyone depending on what type of cancer you have all the way down to how
much you weigh. The next thing I am going to say may be difficult to understand and I really hope it is not
misunderstood. If God gave me the choice right now to either go through this or have it taken away, I would
choose to have cancer every time. I would go so far as to say I am GLAD I have cancer! Why? I say this
because it will change me as a man and more importantly with my walk with Christ. Not only will it make me a
better, stronger, changed man, but it will also change those around me. So, don't feel bad one bit for the
discomfort I deal with because to me it is worth it. My suffering will be my blessing when this is all over. It is
the prayers, encouragement, and strength that I draw from those of you who care enough about me to read this
that makes it worth going through this. If my situation can in any way motivate anyone to be a better person,
then how can I say this isn't worth it? The positive change it has already brought to some of my family and
close friends has been amazing. I have had
several people tell me they don't pray, but they
are for me. Just experiencing that takes me back
to my comment about if this could be taken from
me would I choose to. It would almost be
selfish of me not to go through this based on the
changes it has already produced.
In closing, I would say that I have had to be very
mentally strong and positive through this. It has
allowed me to view my situation as an
opportunity rather than poor me I have cancer.
I have never been closer to GOD in all my life
and I would not trade that for anything I would
ever have to go through. He has brought me the
support I need through all of you and given me
strength that I didn't have. The one thing I want
everyone to please take from this is the following
You don't need a positive mind only to beat
Cancer. It can be applied to every struggle in
life. When you have a disease you are forced to think positive because if you want to win the fight you have no
other choice. However, it can be used to better every situation from depression to addiction and even
relationships with others. We all have a choice and I will leave you with this. The way we think does alter the
way our cells in our bodies react. Whether or not my negative and
pessimistic thinking over the years contributed to my cancer in any way, I will never know. Bottom line is be
good to each other and yourself!
summed up by saying it has been
filled with struggles, ups and down,
learning experiences, and life lessons.
For those of you wondering what
chemo feels like, I will tell you what
it feels like to me. The day of chemo
is not really that bad at all. I don't get
real nauseous or tired the day of
chemo, but the next few days get
progressively worse. Try to imagine
the worst hangover you have ever had.
Think of the way your stomach felt
sour, unsettled, and irritated. Multiply
the severity of that by about 5 and that
is what the next 2-3 days feel like to
me all day long. Keep in mind that this is WITH 4-5 drugs in my system for anti-nausea. I do get several
hours of relief throughout the day, but I never know when it is going to happen for me. At these times I take
advantage of it by eating as much as I can and anyone who knows me knows that my ability to consume large
amounts of food can be pretty impressive. This has actually helped me to gain 2lbs since my treatments began.
The side effect that is the worst for me is fatigue. I would describe my fatigue as the energy level one would
have with a severe case of the flu when your dehydrated and possibly considering going to the hospital for
fluids because you feel so drained. However, that is not how I feel because my fatigue is not a tired, I was
trying to give you an idea of the energy level I have to work with for that same period of 2-3 days after my
chemo treatments. The fatigue I feel is one that I can only describe as coming from the inside out. It is an inner
fatigue that you can feel down to your core. You can literally feel it in your bones. It is beyond and different
from the feeling of exhaustion. Think of a battery that is very low. You cannot recharge it, you just have
whatever is in it to work with. This does get better after about 5 days and the nausea does as well. However,
if you think of my energy like the battery I described, if I was full before this started (even though I still had
cancer) even on my best day I only have about 40-50% of that energy to work with. So, I can wake up
strong and feeling pretty normal, but everyday tasks wear me down quickly. No more heavy lifting, running for
distance or speed, or strenuous activities. I can probably do those things, but it is not worth how my body will
recover. The next 9 months (6 months of chemo and 3 months more to get it out of my system) will just be an
adjustment in which I have to accept I am not the same person I was before this started. Having said that, I
still exercise because it is important, but my workouts are extremely light and more for maintaining and getting
my heart rate up compared to muscle building and endurance training.
I don't say these things so that people will feel sorry for me or for pity, I only share my struggles because of the
curiosity of those of you who are lucky enough to not know anyone who has gone through this before.
Treatments are different for everyone depending on what type of cancer you have all the way down to how
much you weigh. The next thing I am going to say may be difficult to understand and I really hope it is not
misunderstood. If God gave me the choice right now to either go through this or have it taken away, I would
choose to have cancer every time. I would go so far as to say I am GLAD I have cancer! Why? I say this
because it will change me as a man and more importantly with my walk with Christ. Not only will it make me a
better, stronger, changed man, but it will also change those around me. So, don't feel bad one bit for the
discomfort I deal with because to me it is worth it. My suffering will be my blessing when this is all over. It is
the prayers, encouragement, and strength that I draw from those of you who care enough about me to read this
that makes it worth going through this. If my situation can in any way motivate anyone to be a better person,
then how can I say this isn't worth it? The positive change it has already brought to some of my family and
close friends has been amazing. I have had
several people tell me they don't pray, but they
are for me. Just experiencing that takes me back
to my comment about if this could be taken from
me would I choose to. It would almost be
selfish of me not to go through this based on the
changes it has already produced.
In closing, I would say that I have had to be very
mentally strong and positive through this. It has
allowed me to view my situation as an
opportunity rather than poor me I have cancer.
I have never been closer to GOD in all my life
and I would not trade that for anything I would
ever have to go through. He has brought me the
support I need through all of you and given me
strength that I didn't have. The one thing I want
everyone to please take from this is the following
You don't need a positive mind only to beat
Cancer. It can be applied to every struggle in
life. When you have a disease you are forced to think positive because if you want to win the fight you have no
other choice. However, it can be used to better every situation from depression to addiction and even
relationships with others. We all have a choice and I will leave you with this. The way we think does alter the
way our cells in our bodies react. Whether or not my negative and
pessimistic thinking over the years contributed to my cancer in any way, I will never know. Bottom line is be
good to each other and yourself!
Update: Students Keep Me Motivated!
by Shane Varga, 5/20/09
by Shane Varga, 5/20/09
Over the course of the past few days, I have received several amazing messages from former students and
parents from my teaching days. I cannot tell you how uplifted I am from this! This morning was literally
one of my worst days physically I have had during this whole thing. I still go to work through my
treatments and today I just drove in with hopes I would make it to work. I thought about turning around
several times, but I kept pushing on because of some inspirational messages from former students.
To be inspired through the spirit of GOD from teenagers and some just barely over, is an
amazing highlight for me in my life. To know that I did reach many of them on the level I intended is
beyond words to me.
I taught PE for many years while I worked on my Masters Degree for Counseling. While I didn't exactly
love teaching PE, I did love teaching and being around children. I taught at a Catholic School, Corpus
Christi and it was Pre-School – 8th grade. My favorite part of teaching was connecting with the students.
I wanted to be more than just a teacher who had his students for a number of years and was done with
them. I wanted to know each one of them because they were more than students to me, they were
people. Not just regular people either, more special than regular people. It was like this to me because
the bottom line is that they are kids. Some had major problems to deal with, some had families that were
already broken, self-esteem problems because we know how tough being a kid is, or pretty much any
issue that caused pain.
I hated to see that, it truly killed me inside because as a kid you sometimes have no protection or even
love. That is what my focus was when I taught. To relieve pain, build relationships, love, and hopefully be
a positive role model. This was far more important than any curriculum. Many days were “free time”
(which the kids loved and administration did not) days in my class, but it was in order to deal with real
issues with real little people with big people problems. I was not always the role model I wanted to be and
for that I regret the times when I lost my patience. However, when I get the numerous messages I have
gotten over the past two days, it makes me cry tears of joy. It gives me a strength that cannot be
overcome by any disease. So, for those of you who have written to me, you have blessed me to an
unknown degree. Those of you who have not written but who I know are praying, thank you so much
because that is all I could ever want from you.
I said in my last update that I was glad to go through this because of the changes that were happening in
the people around me. I now have a new reason. To feel the love of all my past students and families,
to have the connection I wanted to build come full circle is an inspiration that motivates me to do
even greater things. You don’t always get to see the fruits of your labor come to blossom, but this is a
truly and amazing time in my life. The good we do is beyond measure sometimes. When you do
something for someone else you can never imagine the impact it might have on them. One small word of
kindness can be life altering. I am not talking about me anymore, I am talking about all of you! To
everyone, you can never imagine the impact all of your support has blessed me. I sit here and almost feel
guilty as to how special I feel right now. THANK YOU! And GOD BLESS!
parents from my teaching days. I cannot tell you how uplifted I am from this! This morning was literally
one of my worst days physically I have had during this whole thing. I still go to work through my
treatments and today I just drove in with hopes I would make it to work. I thought about turning around
several times, but I kept pushing on because of some inspirational messages from former students.
To be inspired through the spirit of GOD from teenagers and some just barely over, is an
amazing highlight for me in my life. To know that I did reach many of them on the level I intended is
beyond words to me.
I taught PE for many years while I worked on my Masters Degree for Counseling. While I didn't exactly
love teaching PE, I did love teaching and being around children. I taught at a Catholic School, Corpus
Christi and it was Pre-School – 8th grade. My favorite part of teaching was connecting with the students.
I wanted to be more than just a teacher who had his students for a number of years and was done with
them. I wanted to know each one of them because they were more than students to me, they were
people. Not just regular people either, more special than regular people. It was like this to me because
the bottom line is that they are kids. Some had major problems to deal with, some had families that were
already broken, self-esteem problems because we know how tough being a kid is, or pretty much any
issue that caused pain.
I hated to see that, it truly killed me inside because as a kid you sometimes have no protection or even
love. That is what my focus was when I taught. To relieve pain, build relationships, love, and hopefully be
a positive role model. This was far more important than any curriculum. Many days were “free time”
(which the kids loved and administration did not) days in my class, but it was in order to deal with real
issues with real little people with big people problems. I was not always the role model I wanted to be and
for that I regret the times when I lost my patience. However, when I get the numerous messages I have
gotten over the past two days, it makes me cry tears of joy. It gives me a strength that cannot be
overcome by any disease. So, for those of you who have written to me, you have blessed me to an
unknown degree. Those of you who have not written but who I know are praying, thank you so much
because that is all I could ever want from you.
I said in my last update that I was glad to go through this because of the changes that were happening in
the people around me. I now have a new reason. To feel the love of all my past students and families,
to have the connection I wanted to build come full circle is an inspiration that motivates me to do
even greater things. You don’t always get to see the fruits of your labor come to blossom, but this is a
truly and amazing time in my life. The good we do is beyond measure sometimes. When you do
something for someone else you can never imagine the impact it might have on them. One small word of
kindness can be life altering. I am not talking about me anymore, I am talking about all of you! To
everyone, you can never imagine the impact all of your support has blessed me. I sit here and almost feel
guilty as to how special I feel right now. THANK YOU! And GOD BLESS!
Shane Varga Update: "It's a title fight."
June 5, 2009 by Shane Varga
Three down, nine treatments to go.
The next several weeks will be crucial for me. I will have my fourth
treatment on June 12th and right after that I will have another PET scan
to see the progress of my treatments. Those results will determine the
remainder of my treatments. The incredibly large mass in my chest is
what will determine the next steps. If the mass shrinks to one smaller
mass, I will probably need to undergo radiation along with chemotherapy. If the large mass turns out to be
two enlarged lymph nodes rather than one, then I just continue the chemotherapy.
Chemotherapy works by targeting fast growing cells. This is why most patients get severe nausea
(stomach cells being destroyed and the poison from the dead cancer cells being released into the system)
and lose their hair. Chemo actually melts away the cancerous masses and cells. The mass in my chest is
so large that chemo alone would not be able to get to the core to completely destroy it. There is just too
much to melt away.
After a little over a month with my battle, I would have
to say things are going better than I thought they would.
Things seem to be getting better rather than worse and
I think it might be because I am getting used to what
my “new normal” is. There have not been many
surprises with side effects lately. I have 50% at best,
of my usual energy, stamina, and strength and that is
that. I can still do almost anything, but just not as long
or as well as I had in the past. For example, I could
go jogging, but I can go about one lap compared to
several miles. Then my body is done until I am
regenerated which takes longer also. It took me a
while to accept it, but I look at it as a new challenge.
I think it is an excellent opportunity to really test what
the body is capable of.
So many people struggle with treatments and their
bodies are torn down to the point of near immobility.
I feel so blessed to be able to even consider exercising
or being active enough to push myself a little. Is it the
best idea to push myself when my body is broken
down? Probably not. However, if this is the fight of
my life, then this must be my title fight. In many title fights, the two opponents feel each other out for
several rounds before they have a sense of what the other fighter is capable of. The first few rounds are
over in my opinion, cancer felt me out a little, I felt it back... and I am not that impressed with what cancer
has in order to try and defeat me. I was cautious and fearful of my disease to start my fight. It has not and
will not be easy, but I am learning that despite all that, it could be a whole lot worse. I fully intend to push
myself to see what I have deep down and do things you are not supposed to be capable of doing through
treatments. Just like a champion fighter, I will dig deeper than I have ever.
No longer do I want to just beat cancer, I now have a goal to embarrass it’s very name for choosing me!
June 5, 2009 by Shane Varga
Three down, nine treatments to go.
The next several weeks will be crucial for me. I will have my fourth
treatment on June 12th and right after that I will have another PET scan
to see the progress of my treatments. Those results will determine the
remainder of my treatments. The incredibly large mass in my chest is
what will determine the next steps. If the mass shrinks to one smaller
mass, I will probably need to undergo radiation along with chemotherapy. If the large mass turns out to be
two enlarged lymph nodes rather than one, then I just continue the chemotherapy.
Chemotherapy works by targeting fast growing cells. This is why most patients get severe nausea
(stomach cells being destroyed and the poison from the dead cancer cells being released into the system)
and lose their hair. Chemo actually melts away the cancerous masses and cells. The mass in my chest is
so large that chemo alone would not be able to get to the core to completely destroy it. There is just too
much to melt away.
After a little over a month with my battle, I would have
to say things are going better than I thought they would.
Things seem to be getting better rather than worse and
I think it might be because I am getting used to what
my “new normal” is. There have not been many
surprises with side effects lately. I have 50% at best,
of my usual energy, stamina, and strength and that is
that. I can still do almost anything, but just not as long
or as well as I had in the past. For example, I could
go jogging, but I can go about one lap compared to
several miles. Then my body is done until I am
regenerated which takes longer also. It took me a
while to accept it, but I look at it as a new challenge.
I think it is an excellent opportunity to really test what
the body is capable of.
So many people struggle with treatments and their
bodies are torn down to the point of near immobility.
I feel so blessed to be able to even consider exercising
or being active enough to push myself a little. Is it the
best idea to push myself when my body is broken
down? Probably not. However, if this is the fight of
my life, then this must be my title fight. In many title fights, the two opponents feel each other out for
several rounds before they have a sense of what the other fighter is capable of. The first few rounds are
over in my opinion, cancer felt me out a little, I felt it back... and I am not that impressed with what cancer
has in order to try and defeat me. I was cautious and fearful of my disease to start my fight. It has not and
will not be easy, but I am learning that despite all that, it could be a whole lot worse. I fully intend to push
myself to see what I have deep down and do things you are not supposed to be capable of doing through
treatments. Just like a champion fighter, I will dig deeper than I have ever.
No longer do I want to just beat cancer, I now have a goal to embarrass it’s very name for choosing me!
Shane Varga Update: "I feel
like I got a part of my old self
back."
June 9, 2009 by Shane Varga
Tonight I feel like I got a piece of my old self back. There were a lot of
feelings tonight that made me appreciate being able to be out there. Being
part of not only a team, but a great team with some real characters,
competing, and just being able to do something I love that was taken from
me this year. I won't be able to play tournaments or run a 3 man outfield
anytime soon, but to have the strength to even attempt to play tonight was
a blessing.
A few hours before the game I contemplated not coming because I felt so
bad. I prayed to God that he give me the strength to do this because it
was important to me to be there tonight. After that I felt good and
thankfully I did, because right at game time I found out I was the 10th guy
and would have to play the field! Luckily, coach Teddy Panagakos made
the long trip from St. Joe, Michigan and relieved me. Thanks, Teddy!
like I got a part of my old self
back."
June 9, 2009 by Shane Varga
Tonight I feel like I got a piece of my old self back. There were a lot of
feelings tonight that made me appreciate being able to be out there. Being
part of not only a team, but a great team with some real characters,
competing, and just being able to do something I love that was taken from
me this year. I won't be able to play tournaments or run a 3 man outfield
anytime soon, but to have the strength to even attempt to play tonight was
a blessing.
A few hours before the game I contemplated not coming because I felt so
bad. I prayed to God that he give me the strength to do this because it
was important to me to be there tonight. After that I felt good and
thankfully I did, because right at game time I found out I was the 10th guy
and would have to play the field! Luckily, coach Teddy Panagakos made
the long trip from St. Joe, Michigan and relieved me. Thanks, Teddy!
Shane Varga Update: "The power of prayer
has worked..."
by Shane Varga, 6/16/09
I had my PET scan today and it put me at a loss for words.
My appointment was scheduled for Thursday to find out my results, but I was able to find out today. The
hopes of my doctor were that the large mass in my chest would shrink enough to figure out the next step of
therapy. If it shrinks to one mass, I need radiation. If it shrinks to
two smaller masses, I continue with chemo only. The bad news is
that it did not shrink to two smaller masses.... the good news is the
cancer is 100% gone!
I am still in shock. I feel almost like I did when I heard that I had
cancer. To be honest, I never doubted for a second that God would heal
me, but I would be lying if I told you that I expected this outcome today.
Even when I found out I had cancer, and I didn't know what kind it was,
or if it would take my life, I never cried. Today, I wept over and over
and over. I have never been more elated in my life and it was not because
I found out I was in complete remission from my cancer. I was so proud
that everyone who prayed for me could be rewarded by being a part of
one of God’s many miracles. There are so many young Christians, people
who didn't usually pray, and people who pound out hundreds of prayers
a day that have been praying for me through this. At times, it just makes
me feel that Christ used my situation as either a motivation, pat on the
back, or an eye opener for those who showed their faith for my cause.
We are all at different places in our lives with our relationship with God
and today’s results will mean something different to each person who has
the opportunity to digest what has happened at this stage in my life. I only hope and pray it will at least show
everyone a very small piece of God’s power, grace, mercy, and most importantly, love. Our faith is what He
wants. Its so small and so easy, yet its the most difficult thing we will ever have to decide on in life: To believe
or not to believe. Given my circumstances and outlook during this time I choose to believe that God has really
blessed me.
When I was going through this at first, I asked God to give me wisdom on my situation. Many people were
upset because of this happening to me. They said “why do bad things happen to good people”. I know that
gets said a lot, but when it comes down to it, are any of us really good? Sure some people are very kind and
amazing I know, but in God’s eyes He loves us all the same no matter what. My point is, sometimes things just
happen because after all, we are human. Many times, it is a direct result of our own choices whether people
know it or not. The wisdom I got was this: Our time on earth is a series of trials. It is not supposed to be
easy and just because we believe in God or do His work does not mean we get a free pass on trials and
tribulation. The more we give our life to God, the more Satan would like to occupy our time to make sure that
doesn't happen. Satan has a very limited time of authority with his rule on earth. Therefore, nothing will be
easy here. If we didn't have trials in our life, why would we need a higher power? I know I love God with all
my heart, but the shameful thing is that the better my life is going, the less time God gets.
The past few years I have really tried to change this because there is one HUGE lesson about that. It is not
about me, it is supposed to be about others. It took me almost 30 years to realize that when my life is going
great, it does not mean I am living right by Christ. I realized it one day as I was so low in my life that only thing
that gave me joy was to give others joy. That is when I realized why all those years when I had everything I
could want, I was still empty. No amount of money, possessions, or awards could permanently fill that. It
could take it away for a time, but I always needed more because it didn't last. It was only after I started living
for others that I was truly fulfilled. That's one of the reasons I joined Street Kids Softball, so I could make a
difference in other people's lives. Life is about helping others because that is what God wants. We are all
brothers and sisters so, why would we not want to help each other through life’s troubles? We are here for
support and encouragement of each other.
There is no greater example of this to me than what you have all meant to me during this time. From my family,
my wonderful and supportive wife, to my friends, my co-workers, the softball community, to my former
students and to those I don't even know that took the time to either call or write a special note on the website
message board. Thank you all for your support, because I truly feel, that along with God's grace and power, it
saved my life.
Sorry to preach if you were just expecting an update, but from the start I felt that my cancer was about others
rather than me. If God wants to use me to make a point, than I am honored.
has worked..."
by Shane Varga, 6/16/09
I had my PET scan today and it put me at a loss for words.
My appointment was scheduled for Thursday to find out my results, but I was able to find out today. The
hopes of my doctor were that the large mass in my chest would shrink enough to figure out the next step of
therapy. If it shrinks to one mass, I need radiation. If it shrinks to
two smaller masses, I continue with chemo only. The bad news is
that it did not shrink to two smaller masses.... the good news is the
cancer is 100% gone!
I am still in shock. I feel almost like I did when I heard that I had
cancer. To be honest, I never doubted for a second that God would heal
me, but I would be lying if I told you that I expected this outcome today.
Even when I found out I had cancer, and I didn't know what kind it was,
or if it would take my life, I never cried. Today, I wept over and over
and over. I have never been more elated in my life and it was not because
I found out I was in complete remission from my cancer. I was so proud
that everyone who prayed for me could be rewarded by being a part of
one of God’s many miracles. There are so many young Christians, people
who didn't usually pray, and people who pound out hundreds of prayers
a day that have been praying for me through this. At times, it just makes
me feel that Christ used my situation as either a motivation, pat on the
back, or an eye opener for those who showed their faith for my cause.
We are all at different places in our lives with our relationship with God
and today’s results will mean something different to each person who has
the opportunity to digest what has happened at this stage in my life. I only hope and pray it will at least show
everyone a very small piece of God’s power, grace, mercy, and most importantly, love. Our faith is what He
wants. Its so small and so easy, yet its the most difficult thing we will ever have to decide on in life: To believe
or not to believe. Given my circumstances and outlook during this time I choose to believe that God has really
blessed me.
When I was going through this at first, I asked God to give me wisdom on my situation. Many people were
upset because of this happening to me. They said “why do bad things happen to good people”. I know that
gets said a lot, but when it comes down to it, are any of us really good? Sure some people are very kind and
amazing I know, but in God’s eyes He loves us all the same no matter what. My point is, sometimes things just
happen because after all, we are human. Many times, it is a direct result of our own choices whether people
know it or not. The wisdom I got was this: Our time on earth is a series of trials. It is not supposed to be
easy and just because we believe in God or do His work does not mean we get a free pass on trials and
tribulation. The more we give our life to God, the more Satan would like to occupy our time to make sure that
doesn't happen. Satan has a very limited time of authority with his rule on earth. Therefore, nothing will be
easy here. If we didn't have trials in our life, why would we need a higher power? I know I love God with all
my heart, but the shameful thing is that the better my life is going, the less time God gets.
The past few years I have really tried to change this because there is one HUGE lesson about that. It is not
about me, it is supposed to be about others. It took me almost 30 years to realize that when my life is going
great, it does not mean I am living right by Christ. I realized it one day as I was so low in my life that only thing
that gave me joy was to give others joy. That is when I realized why all those years when I had everything I
could want, I was still empty. No amount of money, possessions, or awards could permanently fill that. It
could take it away for a time, but I always needed more because it didn't last. It was only after I started living
for others that I was truly fulfilled. That's one of the reasons I joined Street Kids Softball, so I could make a
difference in other people's lives. Life is about helping others because that is what God wants. We are all
brothers and sisters so, why would we not want to help each other through life’s troubles? We are here for
support and encouragement of each other.
There is no greater example of this to me than what you have all meant to me during this time. From my family,
my wonderful and supportive wife, to my friends, my co-workers, the softball community, to my former
students and to those I don't even know that took the time to either call or write a special note on the website
message board. Thank you all for your support, because I truly feel, that along with God's grace and power, it
saved my life.
Sorry to preach if you were just expecting an update, but from the start I felt that my cancer was about others
rather than me. If God wants to use me to make a point, than I am honored.
| Listen to comments from some of Varga's SKS teammates! |
| Joe Richard |
| Kalei Enterline |
| Lanny Fisher |
| Mark Hershberger |
| TJ Jorgensen |
Varga Opens Up About His
Battle With Cancer
Exclusive interview with SKS
Battle With Cancer
Exclusive interview with SKS
by TJ Jorgensen 6/17/09
Ever since Shane Varga was diagnosed with cancer in April, he has refused to allow outside media such as
local television and radio stations from interviewing him. He is a very shy person and wants to keep his
personal life private, including his battle with, and eventually beating, Hodgkins Lymphoma.
On Wednesday, Shane decided now was the time to open up and talk about his battle, his love for his firends
and family and his powerful faith in God, which he attributes to getting him this far. Click the icon below to
hear the 24-minute emotional phone interview between myself and my friend, Shane Varga.
Ever since Shane Varga was diagnosed with cancer in April, he has refused to allow outside media such as
local television and radio stations from interviewing him. He is a very shy person and wants to keep his
personal life private, including his battle with, and eventually beating, Hodgkins Lymphoma.
On Wednesday, Shane decided now was the time to open up and talk about his battle, his love for his firends
and family and his powerful faith in God, which he attributes to getting him this far. Click the icon below to
hear the 24-minute emotional phone interview between myself and my friend, Shane Varga.
"That's How He Rolls!"
Shane Varga Update, 7-28-09
Shane Varga Update, 7-28-09
It has been a few weeks since my cancer has been successfully destroyed, but things sure haven’t gotten any
easier. In fact, I actually feel worse than I ever have. I feel blindsided in a way. Maybe I let my guard down
and thought it was over. The sad thing is that it has truly only begun.
My treatments are getting much, much worse. I am consistently getting very sick at my treatments now and if
I had 50% of my energy before, I would say I am at about 30% now. Pushing myself to the limit now
consists of waking myself up on time to go to work for about a half day or a little more. Imagine a morning
when you wanted to get up, but just couldn't, and had to go back to bed. Think of how tired your body was
and no matter how hard you wanted to get up your body said NO. Many days that is my normal. When I
gave the analogy of “the title fight” with cancer in one of my earlier updates, I think I may have overlooked
the #1 challenger.
My title fight was an early round easy TKO. However, the next fight, the one against chemo, is definitely
going the distance. Twelve “rounds” to be exact. Twelve total rounds of chemo treatments are literally the
fight of my life. I am done with five now and I can assure you this is more like an "anything goes street fight."
I truly underestimated what chemo was going to do to my body because of how well I did early on and how
successful the curing of my cancer went.
I guess I would have to say that chemo has already put me to the canvas once. You know what though? I
like it. I am one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. Sure, I am laid back and mild
mannered, but doing what is difficult drives me. What fun is dominating something? It takes the competition
out of competition. I like being the underdog and over matched. It makes it that much sweeter to pull off the
upset.
Maybe I should be glad it’s hard. Hopefully, I only go through this once in my life and why not take
everything bad it has to offer. I think I would feel cheated if I wasn't able to truly see what I have inside of
me. Think about it... how often are we tested to the degree of truly needing to dig deeper than ever before -
just to do half of what was once an average day?
This is truly unlike anything I have had to battle before. It’s like fighting a ghost. The cancer is gone so it is
like a battle against myself. The chemo is literally killing me, but what do I fight to stay alive? It was much
easier when I still had cancer. How do you fight yourself by supporting yourself? This is a different mind set
for me. I was all about using every bit of strength I had to destroy cancer and now I have to switch gears. I
have to fight the smart fight with endurance because strength won’t beat my current opponent. It's funny;
isn't that life in a nutshell? To me, life is an endurance race against things we only learn how to overcome
through trials, wisdom, and experience.
easier. In fact, I actually feel worse than I ever have. I feel blindsided in a way. Maybe I let my guard down
and thought it was over. The sad thing is that it has truly only begun.
My treatments are getting much, much worse. I am consistently getting very sick at my treatments now and if
I had 50% of my energy before, I would say I am at about 30% now. Pushing myself to the limit now
consists of waking myself up on time to go to work for about a half day or a little more. Imagine a morning
when you wanted to get up, but just couldn't, and had to go back to bed. Think of how tired your body was
and no matter how hard you wanted to get up your body said NO. Many days that is my normal. When I
gave the analogy of “the title fight” with cancer in one of my earlier updates, I think I may have overlooked
the #1 challenger.
My title fight was an early round easy TKO. However, the next fight, the one against chemo, is definitely
going the distance. Twelve “rounds” to be exact. Twelve total rounds of chemo treatments are literally the
fight of my life. I am done with five now and I can assure you this is more like an "anything goes street fight."
I truly underestimated what chemo was going to do to my body because of how well I did early on and how
successful the curing of my cancer went.
I guess I would have to say that chemo has already put me to the canvas once. You know what though? I
like it. I am one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. Sure, I am laid back and mild
mannered, but doing what is difficult drives me. What fun is dominating something? It takes the competition
out of competition. I like being the underdog and over matched. It makes it that much sweeter to pull off the
upset.
Maybe I should be glad it’s hard. Hopefully, I only go through this once in my life and why not take
everything bad it has to offer. I think I would feel cheated if I wasn't able to truly see what I have inside of
me. Think about it... how often are we tested to the degree of truly needing to dig deeper than ever before -
just to do half of what was once an average day?
This is truly unlike anything I have had to battle before. It’s like fighting a ghost. The cancer is gone so it is
like a battle against myself. The chemo is literally killing me, but what do I fight to stay alive? It was much
easier when I still had cancer. How do you fight yourself by supporting yourself? This is a different mind set
for me. I was all about using every bit of strength I had to destroy cancer and now I have to switch gears. I
have to fight the smart fight with endurance because strength won’t beat my current opponent. It's funny;
isn't that life in a nutshell? To me, life is an endurance race against things we only learn how to overcome
through trials, wisdom, and experience.
by Shane Varga
I don’t know if I can explain what has happened to me in the last week. My last update I was saying how my
energy level is as low as it has ever been, how weak I felt, and how the accumulation of all my chemo
was really taking its toll on me. Starting this past weekend this all changed and changed dramatically. I am
almost scared to write this in case I “jinx” it, but it is what it is for however long this lasts. In fact, I have
even been a little scared to test how I feel right now. The bottom line is….. I have energy and I feel
amazing. Honestly, I feel better at this moment than I have at any point in my treatments. It makes zero
sense and I can’t even believe it. My body feels strong, I have endurance, and I just don’t feel like I am
going through chemo right now (this was written prior to my chemo on Friday, July 24th). The only thing that
has changed that I can think of is my prayer life. Tell you a little more about that later.
One of the best things that has happened to me in a while was this weekend. If you read about the
Mishawaka City tournament last weekend I was able to hit a home run. This was a huge deal to me. This
probably seems insignificant to anyone reading, but it wasn’t to me in the bigger picture. All year I have tried
to hit a home run. I wanted to do it a long time ago because I knew the longer my treatments went on, the
weaker I would get and thus have a pretty slim chance of accomplishing this. The longer it went on and it
didn't happen, the more it drove me to accomplish it. So, why was it such a big deal? Because I shouldn’t
have been able to do it going through what I am going through. I mean my strength is gone, my body is beat
up, and even to get out to the field is a big deal sometimes. I guess you could say I really like doing things
that are hard, that people tell me I can’t do, or things that someone just shouldn’t be able to do without
everything coming together perfectly all at once.
In the few games I was able to play this year, I was able to connect with the ball with everything I had and
came up about 20-30 feet short of the fence due to my lack of strength. Now, here is the amazing part and
what made the home run even more special to me. It was important to me, I really wanted to accomplish
this to prove I can accomplish even the most difficult things with the right mindset. Anyways, I pulled out the
big guns on this one. I went to God and begged him to just give me one home run. Listen, God doesn’t
answer every little thing we ask for just because we want it, but I think in this case the Lord knew it was not
about a home run, it was about making this point. Things that can’t normally be done, can be done with His
power. It didn’t matter what little I had physically that day, God strengthened me and He trumps what the
flesh is capable of doing. So, if I can only hit a ball 260 of the 300 feet, it doesn’t matter because he finds a
way.
Here is the cool part of the story. We were set to play on Rose North, a diamond notorious for not allowing
home runs. We were set to play our first 2 games at that diamond and these were the only 2 games I could
make that day. The first game ended and we were set to play back at that diamond in a few hours.
Remember, I prayed to God to please just let me have this. The important thing about this is I felt
confirmation it would happen. I knew it was going to happen. However, how would I accomplish this at a
field that doesn’t allow for many home runs and the wind blowing in which takes another 20-30 feet off any
ball hit in the air? The thing is I didn’t question it. I felt God had told me he would allow something to
happen and I just believed with all my heart it would happen. I remember thinking, who cares if this seems
impossible, God can do anything He wants. So again, my thought was I just take the swings and let Him do
His thing. When we went to the North diamond to meet and warm up before the game something funny
happened. Our game got changed to the West diamond where the wind was blowing out like a hurricane.
One pitch on my first at bat of the game later and it was all over, done deal. I hit my home run.
So, why would God grant a prayer about a stupid home run request? I think because of my current situation
as a result of that day and what anyone reading should remember from this. No, we can’t do many things in
life we wish we had the power to change, but with God, we can do anything in His will for us. Since that day
I have adopted a new attitude. I’m just not going to be affected by chemo like I have been lately. I’m going
to be stronger than I think possible because there is another level beyond what we feel we are capable of. If
tapped into God’s strength we can do more than we know we are able to. That is confusing, but
important. We can do more than we know we are able to. Meaning, I know I can’t pick up a car, but you
have heard stories of average people doing just that to save someone’s life. Literally picking the front end of
a car up off someone. Could that person do that on any other day. NO, but on that day they had the faith
that they could and they did. With faith, we can overcome anything.
I mention God a lot and give Him all the credit. I don’t do it to tell people they need to give their life to God
if they haven’t or they better get their act together or else. I am not like that. I am not trying to shove God
down people’s throats. What I want to do is get it out there what God has done for me and really pray that
people will give God the same chance to perform miracles in their lives too. By this I don’t mean what can
God do for me to help me to enjoy my life more. What I mean is for God to bring someone out of a place
they can’t get out of without His power, help them get through something they don’t have the strength to get
through and don’t see how they can endure, provide for them in a situation that seems hopeless and destined
for a total loss, or provide healing for something that can’t be healed. The bottom line is faith. If you can
believe for it, it can happen if your heart is right. I am not saying if it doesn’t happen your heart was not right,
but if I pray for God to give me a million dollars because I am lazy and don’t want to work for the rest of my
life, I don’t see any reason for God to bless me with it. However, if I prayed to God for a million dollars
because I wanted to bless someone with every penny of it to send to some place I heard about in Africa it
might happen.
Here’s the funny thing though, if it did happen I guarantee some place in Africa would be praying faithfully for
a million dollars to start a project to bring people to Christ. Thinking…. this seems ridiculous to ask for a
million dollars, but Lord I know with you all things are possible. That’s just how he rolls.
I don’t know if I can explain what has happened to me in the last week. My last update I was saying how my
energy level is as low as it has ever been, how weak I felt, and how the accumulation of all my chemo
was really taking its toll on me. Starting this past weekend this all changed and changed dramatically. I am
almost scared to write this in case I “jinx” it, but it is what it is for however long this lasts. In fact, I have
even been a little scared to test how I feel right now. The bottom line is….. I have energy and I feel
amazing. Honestly, I feel better at this moment than I have at any point in my treatments. It makes zero
sense and I can’t even believe it. My body feels strong, I have endurance, and I just don’t feel like I am
going through chemo right now (this was written prior to my chemo on Friday, July 24th). The only thing that
has changed that I can think of is my prayer life. Tell you a little more about that later.
One of the best things that has happened to me in a while was this weekend. If you read about the
Mishawaka City tournament last weekend I was able to hit a home run. This was a huge deal to me. This
probably seems insignificant to anyone reading, but it wasn’t to me in the bigger picture. All year I have tried
to hit a home run. I wanted to do it a long time ago because I knew the longer my treatments went on, the
weaker I would get and thus have a pretty slim chance of accomplishing this. The longer it went on and it
didn't happen, the more it drove me to accomplish it. So, why was it such a big deal? Because I shouldn’t
have been able to do it going through what I am going through. I mean my strength is gone, my body is beat
up, and even to get out to the field is a big deal sometimes. I guess you could say I really like doing things
that are hard, that people tell me I can’t do, or things that someone just shouldn’t be able to do without
everything coming together perfectly all at once.
In the few games I was able to play this year, I was able to connect with the ball with everything I had and
came up about 20-30 feet short of the fence due to my lack of strength. Now, here is the amazing part and
what made the home run even more special to me. It was important to me, I really wanted to accomplish
this to prove I can accomplish even the most difficult things with the right mindset. Anyways, I pulled out the
big guns on this one. I went to God and begged him to just give me one home run. Listen, God doesn’t
answer every little thing we ask for just because we want it, but I think in this case the Lord knew it was not
about a home run, it was about making this point. Things that can’t normally be done, can be done with His
power. It didn’t matter what little I had physically that day, God strengthened me and He trumps what the
flesh is capable of doing. So, if I can only hit a ball 260 of the 300 feet, it doesn’t matter because he finds a
way.
Here is the cool part of the story. We were set to play on Rose North, a diamond notorious for not allowing
home runs. We were set to play our first 2 games at that diamond and these were the only 2 games I could
make that day. The first game ended and we were set to play back at that diamond in a few hours.
Remember, I prayed to God to please just let me have this. The important thing about this is I felt
confirmation it would happen. I knew it was going to happen. However, how would I accomplish this at a
field that doesn’t allow for many home runs and the wind blowing in which takes another 20-30 feet off any
ball hit in the air? The thing is I didn’t question it. I felt God had told me he would allow something to
happen and I just believed with all my heart it would happen. I remember thinking, who cares if this seems
impossible, God can do anything He wants. So again, my thought was I just take the swings and let Him do
His thing. When we went to the North diamond to meet and warm up before the game something funny
happened. Our game got changed to the West diamond where the wind was blowing out like a hurricane.
One pitch on my first at bat of the game later and it was all over, done deal. I hit my home run.
So, why would God grant a prayer about a stupid home run request? I think because of my current situation
as a result of that day and what anyone reading should remember from this. No, we can’t do many things in
life we wish we had the power to change, but with God, we can do anything in His will for us. Since that day
I have adopted a new attitude. I’m just not going to be affected by chemo like I have been lately. I’m going
to be stronger than I think possible because there is another level beyond what we feel we are capable of. If
tapped into God’s strength we can do more than we know we are able to. That is confusing, but
important. We can do more than we know we are able to. Meaning, I know I can’t pick up a car, but you
have heard stories of average people doing just that to save someone’s life. Literally picking the front end of
a car up off someone. Could that person do that on any other day. NO, but on that day they had the faith
that they could and they did. With faith, we can overcome anything.
I mention God a lot and give Him all the credit. I don’t do it to tell people they need to give their life to God
if they haven’t or they better get their act together or else. I am not like that. I am not trying to shove God
down people’s throats. What I want to do is get it out there what God has done for me and really pray that
people will give God the same chance to perform miracles in their lives too. By this I don’t mean what can
God do for me to help me to enjoy my life more. What I mean is for God to bring someone out of a place
they can’t get out of without His power, help them get through something they don’t have the strength to get
through and don’t see how they can endure, provide for them in a situation that seems hopeless and destined
for a total loss, or provide healing for something that can’t be healed. The bottom line is faith. If you can
believe for it, it can happen if your heart is right. I am not saying if it doesn’t happen your heart was not right,
but if I pray for God to give me a million dollars because I am lazy and don’t want to work for the rest of my
life, I don’t see any reason for God to bless me with it. However, if I prayed to God for a million dollars
because I wanted to bless someone with every penny of it to send to some place I heard about in Africa it
might happen.
Here’s the funny thing though, if it did happen I guarantee some place in Africa would be praying faithfully for
a million dollars to start a project to bring people to Christ. Thinking…. this seems ridiculous to ask for a
million dollars, but Lord I know with you all things are possible. That’s just how he rolls.
"I've beaten cancer, so why do
I feel so bad?"
Shane Varga Update, 7-2-09
I feel so bad?"
Shane Varga Update, 7-2-09
Purpose Driven Chemo
Shane Varga Update, 8-17-09
Shane Varga Update, 8-17-09
With only four treatments left, I finally get to think about the end. Like anything you experience that has an
end, I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I can’t wait for this to be over to get my life back and just live my
life with no restraints. On the other, this is a very special time in my life in which many amazing things are
going on due to my current situation. Part of me is a little sad it is coming to an end because I only have a very
limited time to make an impact. After this is over, my life just becomes ordinary again. This plays out in my
head over and over daily. Am I doing all I can do with this situation? However, the other day I stumbled
upon just what I needed. A book called “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who feels like they have no meaning or value in life, have everything
and yet there is still something that seems to be missing, feels insignificant, lost, struggling, or just unfulfilled.
Just a heads up that this book is religiously based, but if your not there I really think that any person can get
value out of it.
The odd thing is how I came about the book. I just happened to stop at my mother-in-laws (awesome lady)
and was just going to sit in the car while my wife stopped in real quick because I wasn't feeling well. After a
couple of minutes I went inside because all of a sudden I just felt moved to do so. Right before we left, I
noticed two books on her counter. Someone gave them to her and she was just going to give them to
Goodwill. I have heard about this book many times and we decided to take it home. The book is amazing
and life changing. I think it is all about timing because after feeling great a while ago, I started to feel very
wore down recently. So much so that my mind started to feel very week for the first time. Since reading this
book, I feel inspired and extremely strong again.
God’s timing is amazing to me because I wouldn’t have cracked that book if I was doing well at the time.
Many things lined up to make that happen. The day, how I felt, the placement of the book, when the book
was given to my mother-in-law, the time she told us to stop by to give us something, all the way down to the
moment I am writing this. It truly creeps me out sometimes. I sat down to write an update about my chemo
and instead it seems to be a book report. To be honest, when I write these I never quite know where it is
going to go. I just feel moved to write certain things and really hope something good comes of it. Sorry to
those of you who were bored by this update, but if anyone reading this has something inside them that says to
go out and read this book, PLEASE do it! If you hate it after the 1st chapter, at least read chapter three.
One last thing that has been on my heart to say after reading some of what I have written in the past. For the
record, I say “He” and “Him” a lot when referring to God. I just want people to know that I don’t think God
is a he or a she. God is indescribable and it just comes out “He” or “Him” when I write. Don’t want to offend
anyone. For further proof, God could never be a he because the world has too much detail and God could
never be a she because there are sporting events on 365 days a year and ESPN. Just wanted to clear that
up.
end, I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I can’t wait for this to be over to get my life back and just live my
life with no restraints. On the other, this is a very special time in my life in which many amazing things are
going on due to my current situation. Part of me is a little sad it is coming to an end because I only have a very
limited time to make an impact. After this is over, my life just becomes ordinary again. This plays out in my
head over and over daily. Am I doing all I can do with this situation? However, the other day I stumbled
upon just what I needed. A book called “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who feels like they have no meaning or value in life, have everything
and yet there is still something that seems to be missing, feels insignificant, lost, struggling, or just unfulfilled.
Just a heads up that this book is religiously based, but if your not there I really think that any person can get
value out of it.
The odd thing is how I came about the book. I just happened to stop at my mother-in-laws (awesome lady)
and was just going to sit in the car while my wife stopped in real quick because I wasn't feeling well. After a
couple of minutes I went inside because all of a sudden I just felt moved to do so. Right before we left, I
noticed two books on her counter. Someone gave them to her and she was just going to give them to
Goodwill. I have heard about this book many times and we decided to take it home. The book is amazing
and life changing. I think it is all about timing because after feeling great a while ago, I started to feel very
wore down recently. So much so that my mind started to feel very week for the first time. Since reading this
book, I feel inspired and extremely strong again.
God’s timing is amazing to me because I wouldn’t have cracked that book if I was doing well at the time.
Many things lined up to make that happen. The day, how I felt, the placement of the book, when the book
was given to my mother-in-law, the time she told us to stop by to give us something, all the way down to the
moment I am writing this. It truly creeps me out sometimes. I sat down to write an update about my chemo
and instead it seems to be a book report. To be honest, when I write these I never quite know where it is
going to go. I just feel moved to write certain things and really hope something good comes of it. Sorry to
those of you who were bored by this update, but if anyone reading this has something inside them that says to
go out and read this book, PLEASE do it! If you hate it after the 1st chapter, at least read chapter three.
One last thing that has been on my heart to say after reading some of what I have written in the past. For the
record, I say “He” and “Him” a lot when referring to God. I just want people to know that I don’t think God
is a he or a she. God is indescribable and it just comes out “He” or “Him” when I write. Don’t want to offend
anyone. For further proof, God could never be a he because the world has too much detail and God could
never be a she because there are sporting events on 365 days a year and ESPN. Just wanted to clear that
up.
"7-2 Off Suit"
Shane Varga Update, 9-17-09
Shane Varga Update, 9-17-09
It has been a while since my last update. To be honest, I have just been focusing on getting through my days.
So, what does 5 months worth of Chemo feel like? It is certainly a world of difference compared to even a
month ago. Some major differences are a loss of energy rather than a lack of energy, numbness in my feet, a
body pain so severe I have a prescription for pain killers (which I refuse to take), getting extremely sick at
treatments, and extreme nausea for an extended period of time after treatments. There are two private rooms
where I get chemo. Other than that, it is a big open room and everyone gets their chemo right in front of
everyone else. I am the only one who requires a room due to how sick I get. It is the most awful, disgusting
feeling you could imagine. Even thinking about it just now, gives me goose bumps all over and makes me
wince. I certainly don’t look forward to treatments, but I am thankful for them and will not complain about
them. You see, it is what is allowing me to live an extended time on this Earth.
One of my favorite things to do is get together with the guys and play some poker. We almost always play
Texas Hold-Em as it is the most popular form of cards these days. You get two cards to start with and you
have to decide if you want to stay in or not to see the rest of the cards. The worst two cards you can be dealt
are a 7 and a 2 of different suits. The dreaded 7-2 off-suit pretty much guarantees a losing hand. We are all
dealt what we might consider a 7-2 off-suit of life at some point in our existence. Someone’s 7-2 may be far
worse than someone else’s, but to that persons at that time, nothing could be worse. This is my 7-2 off-suit.
However, the great thing about poker and about life is that it is not the cards you are dealt, it’s how you play
them. As long as no one else knows you have 7-2, as far as they know you are holding a pair of Aces (the
best starting hand). When your holding 7-2 and you want people to believe you have Aces, you have to
change your way of thinking. You have to make yourself believe that rather than holding the worst possible
hand, you have the best hand.
I have really tried to accomplish this through my cancer. Yeah I am going through cancer, yes it sucks, but I
don’t have to throw my cards away. I am a competitor and even in my weakest times I still believe I am
holding a strong hand. It frustrates me to not be able to do things because in my mind I have made myself
believe it shouldn’t keep me down. Even though I am going through this, I picture myself as normal. I won’t
allow myself to pity myself and accept I am sickly. Many days I get a reality check and slap in the face that
“hey you are sick and you’re just not doing much besides being awake today.” Trust me, I have a lot of those
days, but the next day I wake up I expect it to be different. If it is not, I get fired up again and keep going until
I do feel better. If I thought any different it would snowball and I would be miserable. I will not let that
happen. My faith is too strong and my support is too much!
The other day I came out to play softball after a few months of not playing and went 0-6. I mainly came out
because I wanted to see my friends, show people I am still alive, and most of all because that competitive fire
in me needed to be let out. Even if I was in a wheelchair I would have came out to play and you can take that
to the bank! Anyways, I haven’t played in months, extremely physically exhausted, and all together rusty.
However, I expected to get a hit every time up. No different than any other time. After all, it is a ball being
pitched underhand, slowly. Each out I made I got more and more pissed off. My adrenaline was the highest it
has been in many months and it felt great. At that moment I felt “normal.” I could have ran a mile and not
gotten winded I think. Probably would have been in the ER the next day, but I could have done it.
My point is, I didn’t allow my situation to hamper my focus. It obviously had an effect on my performance,
but in my mind it was not a factor. In life, we will be in situations where we have to make a choice. Find
strength and power through it, not being afraid to give it your all even if it is not good enough, or fail in your
mind before you even set out to accomplish whatever it may be and not even have a chance to succeed.
Support is very important in this, but ultimately support makes no difference if you not willing to be
motivated.
There are so many situations out there that are far more miserable than what I am going through. All types of
abuse, loss, etc. that I am sure people would trade me lives in a second. Things that are much more than just
change your mindset and you will get through it. It does start with the mind though. The decision to take the
next step or a different step may just be more difficult than my 5 months so far. To those people, those are my
heroes and what allows me to dig deep. It allows me to realize that what I am going through could be a lot
worse and that I should be very thankful that I have the strength to make it through this and go back to
normal. That my life is what it is and I am blessed. That my 7-2 off-suit, even though the worst hand to start,
doesn’t mean I automatically lose just because the odds are against me.
So, what does 5 months worth of Chemo feel like? It is certainly a world of difference compared to even a
month ago. Some major differences are a loss of energy rather than a lack of energy, numbness in my feet, a
body pain so severe I have a prescription for pain killers (which I refuse to take), getting extremely sick at
treatments, and extreme nausea for an extended period of time after treatments. There are two private rooms
where I get chemo. Other than that, it is a big open room and everyone gets their chemo right in front of
everyone else. I am the only one who requires a room due to how sick I get. It is the most awful, disgusting
feeling you could imagine. Even thinking about it just now, gives me goose bumps all over and makes me
wince. I certainly don’t look forward to treatments, but I am thankful for them and will not complain about
them. You see, it is what is allowing me to live an extended time on this Earth.
One of my favorite things to do is get together with the guys and play some poker. We almost always play
Texas Hold-Em as it is the most popular form of cards these days. You get two cards to start with and you
have to decide if you want to stay in or not to see the rest of the cards. The worst two cards you can be dealt
are a 7 and a 2 of different suits. The dreaded 7-2 off-suit pretty much guarantees a losing hand. We are all
dealt what we might consider a 7-2 off-suit of life at some point in our existence. Someone’s 7-2 may be far
worse than someone else’s, but to that persons at that time, nothing could be worse. This is my 7-2 off-suit.
However, the great thing about poker and about life is that it is not the cards you are dealt, it’s how you play
them. As long as no one else knows you have 7-2, as far as they know you are holding a pair of Aces (the
best starting hand). When your holding 7-2 and you want people to believe you have Aces, you have to
change your way of thinking. You have to make yourself believe that rather than holding the worst possible
hand, you have the best hand.
I have really tried to accomplish this through my cancer. Yeah I am going through cancer, yes it sucks, but I
don’t have to throw my cards away. I am a competitor and even in my weakest times I still believe I am
holding a strong hand. It frustrates me to not be able to do things because in my mind I have made myself
believe it shouldn’t keep me down. Even though I am going through this, I picture myself as normal. I won’t
allow myself to pity myself and accept I am sickly. Many days I get a reality check and slap in the face that
“hey you are sick and you’re just not doing much besides being awake today.” Trust me, I have a lot of those
days, but the next day I wake up I expect it to be different. If it is not, I get fired up again and keep going until
I do feel better. If I thought any different it would snowball and I would be miserable. I will not let that
happen. My faith is too strong and my support is too much!
The other day I came out to play softball after a few months of not playing and went 0-6. I mainly came out
because I wanted to see my friends, show people I am still alive, and most of all because that competitive fire
in me needed to be let out. Even if I was in a wheelchair I would have came out to play and you can take that
to the bank! Anyways, I haven’t played in months, extremely physically exhausted, and all together rusty.
However, I expected to get a hit every time up. No different than any other time. After all, it is a ball being
pitched underhand, slowly. Each out I made I got more and more pissed off. My adrenaline was the highest it
has been in many months and it felt great. At that moment I felt “normal.” I could have ran a mile and not
gotten winded I think. Probably would have been in the ER the next day, but I could have done it.
My point is, I didn’t allow my situation to hamper my focus. It obviously had an effect on my performance,
but in my mind it was not a factor. In life, we will be in situations where we have to make a choice. Find
strength and power through it, not being afraid to give it your all even if it is not good enough, or fail in your
mind before you even set out to accomplish whatever it may be and not even have a chance to succeed.
Support is very important in this, but ultimately support makes no difference if you not willing to be
motivated.
There are so many situations out there that are far more miserable than what I am going through. All types of
abuse, loss, etc. that I am sure people would trade me lives in a second. Things that are much more than just
change your mindset and you will get through it. It does start with the mind though. The decision to take the
next step or a different step may just be more difficult than my 5 months so far. To those people, those are my
heroes and what allows me to dig deep. It allows me to realize that what I am going through could be a lot
worse and that I should be very thankful that I have the strength to make it through this and go back to
normal. That my life is what it is and I am blessed. That my 7-2 off-suit, even though the worst hand to start,
doesn’t mean I automatically lose just because the odds are against me.
"You Saved My Life"
Shane Varga Update, 10/17/09
What a journey these last six months have been. My last chemo was on
October 2nd and that part is now past me. However, this is not the end.
Even after my cancer was gone less than two months into treatment, my
doctor, along with several other opinions, have recommended that I undergo
radiation. Radiation would consist of four weeks worth of treatments in
which I would go everyday except weekends until I completed 18 treatments. Just when I was getting ready
to get back to normal, it looks like the journey will continue.
Even though I have to go through radiation, I consider the most difficult part over. I just wanted to take a
second to thank everyone out there who supported me through this pivotal time in my life. At my darkest
hour I found plenty of light. Much of that was due to the encouragement, support, and concern of both
people I knew well, all the way to people I did not know at all. Many people have said "you find out what
type of character you have when you experienced something like this". I tend to think you find out what type
of character those around you have when you go through something like this. Again, I was amazed at how
many special people I am surrounded by. Students, friends, family, teammates and strangers provided
support and encouragement all the way to the end.
If attitude is everything in defeating something like this, then all of you can take credit for saving my
life. I think God puts people into your life who you need even when you don’t realize you need someone. Its
not that I didn’t think I needed people, it’s just I never thought the amount of those supporting me would be so
great in number. This has truly been one of the best experiences of my life and I would not trade what I have
endured for the world.
Growth takes place at difficult times and sometimes it hurts. This experience was life changing for me. It
made me a better person in so many ways and it made me take a look at life with a whole new perspective. I
have said it before and I will say it again, bad things that happen are often times for opportunities.
Opportunities to grow, go another direction, or even let go of certain things. The key to making it through
these times are attitude and support. Especially in times that make us question the big picture and when things
seem too difficult to continue on.
Life is truly a test of endurance, but with the right outlook we may just find purpose and meaning. Sometimes
it takes those really difficult times to open our eyes, but we become better for persevering. However, that all
depends on how we choose to view that which crosses our daily path.
Shane Varga Update, 10/17/09
What a journey these last six months have been. My last chemo was on
October 2nd and that part is now past me. However, this is not the end.
Even after my cancer was gone less than two months into treatment, my
doctor, along with several other opinions, have recommended that I undergo
radiation. Radiation would consist of four weeks worth of treatments in
which I would go everyday except weekends until I completed 18 treatments. Just when I was getting ready
to get back to normal, it looks like the journey will continue.
Even though I have to go through radiation, I consider the most difficult part over. I just wanted to take a
second to thank everyone out there who supported me through this pivotal time in my life. At my darkest
hour I found plenty of light. Much of that was due to the encouragement, support, and concern of both
people I knew well, all the way to people I did not know at all. Many people have said "you find out what
type of character you have when you experienced something like this". I tend to think you find out what type
of character those around you have when you go through something like this. Again, I was amazed at how
many special people I am surrounded by. Students, friends, family, teammates and strangers provided
support and encouragement all the way to the end.
If attitude is everything in defeating something like this, then all of you can take credit for saving my
life. I think God puts people into your life who you need even when you don’t realize you need someone. Its
not that I didn’t think I needed people, it’s just I never thought the amount of those supporting me would be so
great in number. This has truly been one of the best experiences of my life and I would not trade what I have
endured for the world.
Growth takes place at difficult times and sometimes it hurts. This experience was life changing for me. It
made me a better person in so many ways and it made me take a look at life with a whole new perspective. I
have said it before and I will say it again, bad things that happen are often times for opportunities.
Opportunities to grow, go another direction, or even let go of certain things. The key to making it through
these times are attitude and support. Especially in times that make us question the big picture and when things
seem too difficult to continue on.
Life is truly a test of endurance, but with the right outlook we may just find purpose and meaning. Sometimes
it takes those really difficult times to open our eyes, but we become better for persevering. However, that all
depends on how we choose to view that which crosses our daily path.
What happens in a fight when you think you have won and you let your guard down too early? Unfortunately, I recently found that out. You
take your opponent’s best and most powerful shots. It’s kind of like putting your arms behind your back taunting someone to hit you as hard
as they can and you promise not to defend yourself. I guess in my fight against cancer I counted 10, but the referee only counted to 9 ½. In
my excitement I was too busy celebrating to see my opponent on its feet, angry, and loading up to give me its best shots when I turned
around. A normal championship fight in boxing is 12 rounds, but in the fight for life we can’t end in a tie. We must go until there is a winner.
The scorecard is tied after 12 rounds and the next one will be my last and will decide who wins the 13th and tiebreaking round.
It seems as though I have taken several of those unanticipated punches lately from my opponent. Since May of 2010, I have had a few spots
show up on my regular follow up scans that I get about every 3 months. With a 92-97% chance my cancer would never return, no one really
believed those spots could be cancer again. There were so many possibilities of what else it could be besides cancer. So many other things
that made more sense. As time went on however, a different picture was being painted. The main spot showing up was in the exact spot as
the last time I had cancer. However, the spots all seemed to be growing at a slow rate. This is until recently. We tried to biopsy these spots
using 3 different methods. They all failed. The main spot was directly next to my heart and these relatively non-invasive methods were just
too risky. If one of the great vessels were to be hit, the results could be catastrophic. I later found out that what I would soon go through
was well worth it because not only was the spot next to my heart, but growing on it!
The only way to find out what these spots were for sure was by doing a “sternotomy.” A sternotomy is the same procedure used for open
heart surgery. We held off as long as we could, but my chest mass started to double its usual growth rate the last few scans and in less time
than usual. There was no longer any time to waste. We went from what could this be, to you need to get in as soon as you can. It was a
good thing we didn’t wait. Scans are not 100% accurate and with my chest mass location, things were very difficult to judge. Like I
mentioned earlier, the mass ended up attaching itself to my heart. My last scan measured the mass at 5.6cm. It was wrong. It ended up
being 20.1cm when they removed it. That’s about 8 inches in size. More than double my last mass which was the size of a large fist.
I literally had dozens of churches praying for me. My prayer was that God show me whether or not I should have this major surgery. After
all, it had a risk of fatality, I would have to take an unpaid leave of absence from work, and the icing on the cake is that it would take me 6-8
months to make a full recovery from where I was at that point physically. This is the first “punch” I took. My phone rang around 11:30pm
the night I had my final scan before I would make the decision to have surgery or not. I have some connections to find out the results of my
scans early. The person on the other end said “Dr. ----- called me personally because you have been given a negative scan.” I instantly
teared up and dropped to my knees. A negative scan means there is no cancer detected. I praised God and couldn’t believe it was all over.
No more worries, it was the end of treatments. No surgeries needed, no chemo, no nothing. For five days I tried out my reaction to my
oncologist telling me the results of my scan so he didn’t know I already knew the good news. I would say my reaction to his news that day
was pretty genuine. My SUV value, which is the amount of cellular activity in a mass, had dropped 25%. Before each PET scan, they
inject a radioactive glucose substance in you. The cancer cells absorb the glucose and it causes the cancer to omit light on the scan because
of the radioactivity. The SUV did decrease, but the problem was that the mass doubled in size. Cancer typically doesn’t react in that way.
However, nothing in my journey has been typical. My oncologist had a concerned look on his face that I have never seen before. He shared
with me that he now thought it was certainly cancer and that the longer I waited to act, the worse my prognosis would become. My heart
dropped, I was crushed, and I learned my life would not be normal after all. I have never experienced this type of devastation in all of my
life. I went from thinking I was healed to being at a critical stage of the disease.
The next “punch” I took was my surgery. I am still recovering from it and a long way from being healed or even fully functional. I was really
upset to learn that I would have to undergo such a life altering surgery. With all the technology we have it was amazing to me that the only
sure way to get results would be with this severe of a method. I ended up staying in intensive care for almost a week before I was released.
You don’t go into a surgery like this expecting it to be pleasant, but it was far worse than I imagined. Maybe the worst part about the whole
surgery was the chest tubes that were inserted in me. I had 4 tubes a little less than a foot long each surgically implanted through my
abdomen. They had to cut through my abdominal wall and the tubes reached almost to my collar bone. They are put in place to ensure my
safety with things like pneumonia. They have to maintain proper drainage so that fluid does not build up. These tubes were the most
uncomfortable thing I have ever experienced and taking them out was no picnic either. They basically cut my stitches and yanked them out
like they were pulling a weed out of the ground with no pain killer. To see what was in me come out was just shocking.
Besides the chest tubes there was the regular surgical recovery part to deal with. They had to collapse a lung in addition to the rest of the
normal surgery procedures. When you have a surgery like this, it is almost impossible to take any kind of a deep breath. It hurt so badly to
even begin to breathe deeply that I thought I would never breathe like I used to again. For the record, to this day it still is a challenge and not
like it was before. Things like coughing, sneezing, and vomiting were all things you don’t want to do. The only one of those three I was
unfortunate enough to experience right away was coughing. Even my coughs were shallow. The only deep cough I had was to expel a blood
clot in my lung and that was one of the worst pains I experienced. The entire time I was in the ICU I held a pillow over my chest to help with
things like coughing. The pillow helped to reduce the force that these things produce against my chest wall. I carried a pillow with me
everywhere I went for about 3 weeks. Coughing or sneezing without a pillow would probably feel like getting shot. It was no joke. I get
better every day, but it will take every bit of 3-6 months to heal from this. It is now week 7 post surgery and I still am in pain when I get up
from bed. Oh, and I would rather be punched in the face than sneeze. Sneezing is no fun, even now.
The final “punch”, the one that would be the best chance of sending me to the canvas for a ten count, also came while I was in the hospital.
Two days before I left the hospital I got my results back from my biopsies. It was cancer, again. If things came back negative, I think going
through this major surgery wouldn’t have seemed that bad. I would have had my life back and after I recovered, I would go back to normal.
Unfortunately, I am left with a shell of who I was before my surgery and I have to use this feeble body to battle cancer again. You don’t
really want to go into fighting something like cancer when you can’t even open a child proof bottle, but it is what I must do.
I want to go back to the second I was given my bad news. For weeks I thought about how I would react either way, but nothing I imagined
was even close to how I reacted. The Dr. told me it was in fact a relapse and at that moment two things happened. First, my adrenaline
kicked in like I have never felt it before. My first reaction was I wish my cancer was in a human form because I want a piece. I was ready to
start battling at that very second and I felt like I could do some serious damage if I had to. So, I learned that I was more than ready to fight
and that the bad news was not going to affect me.
The second reaction I had after a few minutes was a deep sorrow. It was a sorrow not for myself, but for those who know me and care
about me. It was so hard on the people in my life the first time around. I can’t imagine the worry and stress that will accompany this trial.
The thing I hate most about life is to see anything suffer. Personally, suffering when it comes to my own self gives me strength, but when I see
anything other than me suffer, it breaks me down and I don’t do well with it. Unfortunately, that is what those around me are left with,
watching me suffer again. Knowing this is causing great pain to the people I care about most is why I felt the deep sorrow.
Part of my news was finding out I will need a stem cell transplant. Included in that is that they are only about 50% successful in cases like
mine. Yet another “Punch” that could have knocked me down and out. That percentage in itself puts life into a new perspective. It is a little
scary to know your life comes down to a coin flip, but I cannot focus on that or think like that. No good will come of it.
The type of transplant I will need is an Autologous Transplant. This means I am my own stem cell donor. Stem cells are immature cells that
are produced by your bone marrow. The short version is that I will have 2 cycles (4 treatments) of chemotherapy, donate my own stem cells
about a month after my last treatment, get 5 consecutive days of essentially fatal doses of chemo that will kill my cells all the way to eliminating
the cells in my bone marrow and completely taking out my immune system, resting on day 6, and introducing my stem cells back into my body
on day 7. It takes about 3 weeks for immature stem cells to find their way to my bone marrow and grow to mature cells. I will be in the
hospital for at least 3-4 weeks or until my blood counts are healthy enough to leave. It is my stem cells that will allow me to live. Without the
stem cells re-introduced back into my body, the damage from the high dose chemotherapy would take my life in a short amount of time.
If you ask me how I am doing I will tell you, “I’m perfectly happy.” I have a lot of pain, a long road to recovery, enduring more treatments,
and a huge medical procedure to deal with, but I have one thing that makes it all worth it. I still have LIFE. Until that is gone, why wouldn’t I
be happy? There is a lot I could complain about, a lot I could get down about, but you will never see that from me. I have something worth
fighting for that is more important than worries. It is fragile and I may lose it sooner than I want, but it will not be taken from me before I
squeeze everything out of it I possibly can. Sometimes it takes bad things to make you realize that life is only as good as what you can endure
and how you endure those things. This is the thing that drives me through these tough times. Times when some people might quit fighting or
turn their back on God as if it is his fault. I won’t. I take great pride in something that gives me more strength than anything else. Something
that crushes an opponent. What is that thing to me? It is the one thing that even if this does take my life ensures I will NEVER, EVER, lose.
It is taking your opponents best shot, best effort, on their best day and getting up no matter what you look like or what you feel like and truly
be able to say from the heart “That’s all you got!” What else can they or it do to you? You have taken everything it has to offer and with that
phrase it shows one thing. I will NEVER give up and you cannot EVER beat me. You can do everything in your power to break me down,
but you will NEVER accomplish your goal against me. I have cancer, “That’s all you got”, I’ll beat it. I have to have an open heart surgery
and be weak and in pain for 6 months, “That’s all you got.” I will heal in time and strive to be stronger than ever to shove it in your face. You
take my life, “That’s all you got,” I have eternal life through God and with him I will never have to suffer again.
So, you see cancer you will never win. I get to take everything terrible you do to me and turn it into something great. I get to show people
that no matter what happens in life, it will be okay. Bad things happen to every one of us on a daily basis. If you take anything from what I
share with you, take at least one thing for me. A piece of my attitude. When these awful things happen to you or people you care about,
certainly take whatever time you need to process things or sulk for a while, but eventually look it in the face and say “That’s all you got!”
Turn it into a positive somehow and let it make you grow. Otherwise we lose and we are all way too powerful to ever lose to anything. Let
me leave you with this…. If you are a believer this should hit home. We are all a piece made from God and who does God lose to? God
doesn’t lose, EVER, and neither will we if we realize where we came from and the power we have inside us.
take your opponent’s best and most powerful shots. It’s kind of like putting your arms behind your back taunting someone to hit you as hard
as they can and you promise not to defend yourself. I guess in my fight against cancer I counted 10, but the referee only counted to 9 ½. In
my excitement I was too busy celebrating to see my opponent on its feet, angry, and loading up to give me its best shots when I turned
around. A normal championship fight in boxing is 12 rounds, but in the fight for life we can’t end in a tie. We must go until there is a winner.
The scorecard is tied after 12 rounds and the next one will be my last and will decide who wins the 13th and tiebreaking round.
It seems as though I have taken several of those unanticipated punches lately from my opponent. Since May of 2010, I have had a few spots
show up on my regular follow up scans that I get about every 3 months. With a 92-97% chance my cancer would never return, no one really
believed those spots could be cancer again. There were so many possibilities of what else it could be besides cancer. So many other things
that made more sense. As time went on however, a different picture was being painted. The main spot showing up was in the exact spot as
the last time I had cancer. However, the spots all seemed to be growing at a slow rate. This is until recently. We tried to biopsy these spots
using 3 different methods. They all failed. The main spot was directly next to my heart and these relatively non-invasive methods were just
too risky. If one of the great vessels were to be hit, the results could be catastrophic. I later found out that what I would soon go through
was well worth it because not only was the spot next to my heart, but growing on it!
The only way to find out what these spots were for sure was by doing a “sternotomy.” A sternotomy is the same procedure used for open
heart surgery. We held off as long as we could, but my chest mass started to double its usual growth rate the last few scans and in less time
than usual. There was no longer any time to waste. We went from what could this be, to you need to get in as soon as you can. It was a
good thing we didn’t wait. Scans are not 100% accurate and with my chest mass location, things were very difficult to judge. Like I
mentioned earlier, the mass ended up attaching itself to my heart. My last scan measured the mass at 5.6cm. It was wrong. It ended up
being 20.1cm when they removed it. That’s about 8 inches in size. More than double my last mass which was the size of a large fist.
I literally had dozens of churches praying for me. My prayer was that God show me whether or not I should have this major surgery. After
all, it had a risk of fatality, I would have to take an unpaid leave of absence from work, and the icing on the cake is that it would take me 6-8
months to make a full recovery from where I was at that point physically. This is the first “punch” I took. My phone rang around 11:30pm
the night I had my final scan before I would make the decision to have surgery or not. I have some connections to find out the results of my
scans early. The person on the other end said “Dr. ----- called me personally because you have been given a negative scan.” I instantly
teared up and dropped to my knees. A negative scan means there is no cancer detected. I praised God and couldn’t believe it was all over.
No more worries, it was the end of treatments. No surgeries needed, no chemo, no nothing. For five days I tried out my reaction to my
oncologist telling me the results of my scan so he didn’t know I already knew the good news. I would say my reaction to his news that day
was pretty genuine. My SUV value, which is the amount of cellular activity in a mass, had dropped 25%. Before each PET scan, they
inject a radioactive glucose substance in you. The cancer cells absorb the glucose and it causes the cancer to omit light on the scan because
of the radioactivity. The SUV did decrease, but the problem was that the mass doubled in size. Cancer typically doesn’t react in that way.
However, nothing in my journey has been typical. My oncologist had a concerned look on his face that I have never seen before. He shared
with me that he now thought it was certainly cancer and that the longer I waited to act, the worse my prognosis would become. My heart
dropped, I was crushed, and I learned my life would not be normal after all. I have never experienced this type of devastation in all of my
life. I went from thinking I was healed to being at a critical stage of the disease.
The next “punch” I took was my surgery. I am still recovering from it and a long way from being healed or even fully functional. I was really
upset to learn that I would have to undergo such a life altering surgery. With all the technology we have it was amazing to me that the only
sure way to get results would be with this severe of a method. I ended up staying in intensive care for almost a week before I was released.
You don’t go into a surgery like this expecting it to be pleasant, but it was far worse than I imagined. Maybe the worst part about the whole
surgery was the chest tubes that were inserted in me. I had 4 tubes a little less than a foot long each surgically implanted through my
abdomen. They had to cut through my abdominal wall and the tubes reached almost to my collar bone. They are put in place to ensure my
safety with things like pneumonia. They have to maintain proper drainage so that fluid does not build up. These tubes were the most
uncomfortable thing I have ever experienced and taking them out was no picnic either. They basically cut my stitches and yanked them out
like they were pulling a weed out of the ground with no pain killer. To see what was in me come out was just shocking.
Besides the chest tubes there was the regular surgical recovery part to deal with. They had to collapse a lung in addition to the rest of the
normal surgery procedures. When you have a surgery like this, it is almost impossible to take any kind of a deep breath. It hurt so badly to
even begin to breathe deeply that I thought I would never breathe like I used to again. For the record, to this day it still is a challenge and not
like it was before. Things like coughing, sneezing, and vomiting were all things you don’t want to do. The only one of those three I was
unfortunate enough to experience right away was coughing. Even my coughs were shallow. The only deep cough I had was to expel a blood
clot in my lung and that was one of the worst pains I experienced. The entire time I was in the ICU I held a pillow over my chest to help with
things like coughing. The pillow helped to reduce the force that these things produce against my chest wall. I carried a pillow with me
everywhere I went for about 3 weeks. Coughing or sneezing without a pillow would probably feel like getting shot. It was no joke. I get
better every day, but it will take every bit of 3-6 months to heal from this. It is now week 7 post surgery and I still am in pain when I get up
from bed. Oh, and I would rather be punched in the face than sneeze. Sneezing is no fun, even now.
The final “punch”, the one that would be the best chance of sending me to the canvas for a ten count, also came while I was in the hospital.
Two days before I left the hospital I got my results back from my biopsies. It was cancer, again. If things came back negative, I think going
through this major surgery wouldn’t have seemed that bad. I would have had my life back and after I recovered, I would go back to normal.
Unfortunately, I am left with a shell of who I was before my surgery and I have to use this feeble body to battle cancer again. You don’t
really want to go into fighting something like cancer when you can’t even open a child proof bottle, but it is what I must do.
I want to go back to the second I was given my bad news. For weeks I thought about how I would react either way, but nothing I imagined
was even close to how I reacted. The Dr. told me it was in fact a relapse and at that moment two things happened. First, my adrenaline
kicked in like I have never felt it before. My first reaction was I wish my cancer was in a human form because I want a piece. I was ready to
start battling at that very second and I felt like I could do some serious damage if I had to. So, I learned that I was more than ready to fight
and that the bad news was not going to affect me.
The second reaction I had after a few minutes was a deep sorrow. It was a sorrow not for myself, but for those who know me and care
about me. It was so hard on the people in my life the first time around. I can’t imagine the worry and stress that will accompany this trial.
The thing I hate most about life is to see anything suffer. Personally, suffering when it comes to my own self gives me strength, but when I see
anything other than me suffer, it breaks me down and I don’t do well with it. Unfortunately, that is what those around me are left with,
watching me suffer again. Knowing this is causing great pain to the people I care about most is why I felt the deep sorrow.
Part of my news was finding out I will need a stem cell transplant. Included in that is that they are only about 50% successful in cases like
mine. Yet another “Punch” that could have knocked me down and out. That percentage in itself puts life into a new perspective. It is a little
scary to know your life comes down to a coin flip, but I cannot focus on that or think like that. No good will come of it.
The type of transplant I will need is an Autologous Transplant. This means I am my own stem cell donor. Stem cells are immature cells that
are produced by your bone marrow. The short version is that I will have 2 cycles (4 treatments) of chemotherapy, donate my own stem cells
about a month after my last treatment, get 5 consecutive days of essentially fatal doses of chemo that will kill my cells all the way to eliminating
the cells in my bone marrow and completely taking out my immune system, resting on day 6, and introducing my stem cells back into my body
on day 7. It takes about 3 weeks for immature stem cells to find their way to my bone marrow and grow to mature cells. I will be in the
hospital for at least 3-4 weeks or until my blood counts are healthy enough to leave. It is my stem cells that will allow me to live. Without the
stem cells re-introduced back into my body, the damage from the high dose chemotherapy would take my life in a short amount of time.
If you ask me how I am doing I will tell you, “I’m perfectly happy.” I have a lot of pain, a long road to recovery, enduring more treatments,
and a huge medical procedure to deal with, but I have one thing that makes it all worth it. I still have LIFE. Until that is gone, why wouldn’t I
be happy? There is a lot I could complain about, a lot I could get down about, but you will never see that from me. I have something worth
fighting for that is more important than worries. It is fragile and I may lose it sooner than I want, but it will not be taken from me before I
squeeze everything out of it I possibly can. Sometimes it takes bad things to make you realize that life is only as good as what you can endure
and how you endure those things. This is the thing that drives me through these tough times. Times when some people might quit fighting or
turn their back on God as if it is his fault. I won’t. I take great pride in something that gives me more strength than anything else. Something
that crushes an opponent. What is that thing to me? It is the one thing that even if this does take my life ensures I will NEVER, EVER, lose.
It is taking your opponents best shot, best effort, on their best day and getting up no matter what you look like or what you feel like and truly
be able to say from the heart “That’s all you got!” What else can they or it do to you? You have taken everything it has to offer and with that
phrase it shows one thing. I will NEVER give up and you cannot EVER beat me. You can do everything in your power to break me down,
but you will NEVER accomplish your goal against me. I have cancer, “That’s all you got”, I’ll beat it. I have to have an open heart surgery
and be weak and in pain for 6 months, “That’s all you got.” I will heal in time and strive to be stronger than ever to shove it in your face. You
take my life, “That’s all you got,” I have eternal life through God and with him I will never have to suffer again.
So, you see cancer you will never win. I get to take everything terrible you do to me and turn it into something great. I get to show people
that no matter what happens in life, it will be okay. Bad things happen to every one of us on a daily basis. If you take anything from what I
share with you, take at least one thing for me. A piece of my attitude. When these awful things happen to you or people you care about,
certainly take whatever time you need to process things or sulk for a while, but eventually look it in the face and say “That’s all you got!”
Turn it into a positive somehow and let it make you grow. Otherwise we lose and we are all way too powerful to ever lose to anything. Let
me leave you with this…. If you are a believer this should hit home. We are all a piece made from God and who does God lose to? God
doesn’t lose, EVER, and neither will we if we realize where we came from and the power we have inside us.
"Round 13"
Shane Varga Update 5/20/2011
Shane Varga Update 5/20/2011
"A Parting Gift"
Shane Varga Update 6/15/2011
The beginning of June marked the end of my “Salvage” chemotherapy treatments. Again, the goal of these treatments was to not rid, but
reduce the amount of cancer in my body before my stem cell transplant in July. As awful as chemo is, I think the treatments I had were
something I needed to re-experience. The doses I get during my stem cell transplant will be significantly higher and I think enduring chemo
now is preparing me both mentally and physically. I can’t imagine what it would be like to go in for my transplant and have my cells “nuked”
without any conditioning.
One thing to remember is that I am still recovering from my sternotomy. I am a little over a month and a half now and still not fully recovered.
I did however feel good enough to start working out with weights again. I wanted to wait until after my last chemotherapy treatment to start.
It just seemed like good timing as a new month was beginning.
My first test was to try a bench press with the bar. The bar only weighs 45lbs, but to this point the most weight I have tested my chest with
was 18lbs. The weight was not heavy, but I could tell my muscles were not quite right. Your chest muscles usually connect to each other, but
with the surgery I had they were obviously cut apart and any type of activity stretches them in a painful way. It will take time to feel right, but
I was just happy I could bench the bar without injury. This meant I would be able to perform my favorite exercise and slowly work my way
back up. This lasted ONE day.
The following morning I woke up and noticed my left bicep looked a little more defined than usual and just a little red like something had bit
me. I hadn’t really lifted weights in over two months so I knew that wasn’t it, and I never really could get my arms big no matter how much I
lifted so it just seemed odd. It was just my left arm and just a little bigger than my right. I knew those 10 reps of bench press didn’t give me
those results. So, being aware of my body I decided I needed to have my doctor take a look at it. One ultrasound later and I found out that
I had blood clots that were caused by my chemotherapy. I had two veins with clots. One of the veins was clotted from my elbow to my
shoulder. Just as I finished my last treatment I find out that chemotherapy wanted to send me off to IU with the gift of blood clots.
For 21 days I have to take a blood thinning shot at the hospital in my stomach to keep any future clots from occurring. Every shot leaves a
pretty nasty bruise, but other than that it doesn’t really make me feel different. I will then need to go on oral blood thinners for at least 6
months. This never happened last time, but I can’t say I am surprised this time. It seems like whatever can happen, will happen. This doesn’t
really bother me though. The more I have to endure the more I appreciate the experience. The tougher it makes me. The more I know I can
make it through.
I wanted to start lifting again to go into my transplant as physically strong as I could. However, the fact that I am able to roll with this news
and never once have one bit of “man this sucks” attitude is more important to me. It means I am learning from myself. My attitude is going
from effort to habit and negativity is no longer a way of life. In fact, it is not an option. No one will believe me when I say this, but I promise
you it is true. “Swear to God” if you will. I have never been more stress free than I am now! How can a guy given a 50% chance of living
and about to head down for one of the biggest procedures most people will ever experience be stress free? ATTITUDE! I have finally taken
control over my life. I have little control over getting ill, disease, accidents, etc, but I do have control over everything else. All the things that
cause stress. Stress is what truly breaks us down causing us to get sick, get disease, or be depressed.
Looking at everything I have gone through and continue to go through I can tell you how empowering it is to look at life’s obstacles and push
right through them with a smile on my face. That is why I am almost happy now when things go wrong because it can’t break me and every
time something else happens to me I smile because it is another thing I have conquered. These bad things keep adding up and they should
have a cumulative affect that should weigh me down, but it doesn’t, it makes me stronger. I may not be able to lift weights right now, but I
feel like a weight lifter that has a bar on his back and people keep adding weights to see how much weight they can put on before he
collapses. However every time something bad happens and another weight gets added on, something supernatural increases my strength so
that people can see that when you tap in to a higher power, no amount of weight, no amount of bad things are heavy enough to bring you
down.
Shane Varga Update 6/15/2011
The beginning of June marked the end of my “Salvage” chemotherapy treatments. Again, the goal of these treatments was to not rid, but
reduce the amount of cancer in my body before my stem cell transplant in July. As awful as chemo is, I think the treatments I had were
something I needed to re-experience. The doses I get during my stem cell transplant will be significantly higher and I think enduring chemo
now is preparing me both mentally and physically. I can’t imagine what it would be like to go in for my transplant and have my cells “nuked”
without any conditioning.
One thing to remember is that I am still recovering from my sternotomy. I am a little over a month and a half now and still not fully recovered.
I did however feel good enough to start working out with weights again. I wanted to wait until after my last chemotherapy treatment to start.
It just seemed like good timing as a new month was beginning.
My first test was to try a bench press with the bar. The bar only weighs 45lbs, but to this point the most weight I have tested my chest with
was 18lbs. The weight was not heavy, but I could tell my muscles were not quite right. Your chest muscles usually connect to each other, but
with the surgery I had they were obviously cut apart and any type of activity stretches them in a painful way. It will take time to feel right, but
I was just happy I could bench the bar without injury. This meant I would be able to perform my favorite exercise and slowly work my way
back up. This lasted ONE day.
The following morning I woke up and noticed my left bicep looked a little more defined than usual and just a little red like something had bit
me. I hadn’t really lifted weights in over two months so I knew that wasn’t it, and I never really could get my arms big no matter how much I
lifted so it just seemed odd. It was just my left arm and just a little bigger than my right. I knew those 10 reps of bench press didn’t give me
those results. So, being aware of my body I decided I needed to have my doctor take a look at it. One ultrasound later and I found out that
I had blood clots that were caused by my chemotherapy. I had two veins with clots. One of the veins was clotted from my elbow to my
shoulder. Just as I finished my last treatment I find out that chemotherapy wanted to send me off to IU with the gift of blood clots.
For 21 days I have to take a blood thinning shot at the hospital in my stomach to keep any future clots from occurring. Every shot leaves a
pretty nasty bruise, but other than that it doesn’t really make me feel different. I will then need to go on oral blood thinners for at least 6
months. This never happened last time, but I can’t say I am surprised this time. It seems like whatever can happen, will happen. This doesn’t
really bother me though. The more I have to endure the more I appreciate the experience. The tougher it makes me. The more I know I can
make it through.
I wanted to start lifting again to go into my transplant as physically strong as I could. However, the fact that I am able to roll with this news
and never once have one bit of “man this sucks” attitude is more important to me. It means I am learning from myself. My attitude is going
from effort to habit and negativity is no longer a way of life. In fact, it is not an option. No one will believe me when I say this, but I promise
you it is true. “Swear to God” if you will. I have never been more stress free than I am now! How can a guy given a 50% chance of living
and about to head down for one of the biggest procedures most people will ever experience be stress free? ATTITUDE! I have finally taken
control over my life. I have little control over getting ill, disease, accidents, etc, but I do have control over everything else. All the things that
cause stress. Stress is what truly breaks us down causing us to get sick, get disease, or be depressed.
Looking at everything I have gone through and continue to go through I can tell you how empowering it is to look at life’s obstacles and push
right through them with a smile on my face. That is why I am almost happy now when things go wrong because it can’t break me and every
time something else happens to me I smile because it is another thing I have conquered. These bad things keep adding up and they should
have a cumulative affect that should weigh me down, but it doesn’t, it makes me stronger. I may not be able to lift weights right now, but I
feel like a weight lifter that has a bar on his back and people keep adding weights to see how much weight they can put on before he
collapses. However every time something bad happens and another weight gets added on, something supernatural increases my strength so
that people can see that when you tap in to a higher power, no amount of weight, no amount of bad things are heavy enough to bring you
down.
“Countdown to Rebirth”
Shane Varga Update 7-6-11
Over the last week I have been through several medical tests to make sure I am healthy enough to undergo my transplant. Apparently me
saying “Trust me, I’m good” was not enough. Seven tests later… I officially know what I already knew. I am ready! The date has been
set for July 20th.
With the beginning of the process starting next week, the high dose chemo regimen beginning on the 20th, the actual transplant of my own
stem cells back into my body will be on July 26th. This in a way will be my new birthday. I will be hitting the reset button on all my cells
and will completely start over. Kind of strange to know every one of my own cells will no longer exist after this procedure if it wasn’t for
the stem cells I am donating. Without a few bags of blood and cells, I no longer exist. Sure there would be other ways to keep me going,
but it makes you think.
I thought that we could all use a rebirth from time to time. You don’t have to get a stem cell transplant to hit the reset button on life, but I
imagine as hard as it is to believe, that it might be the easier approach sometimes. I have to do this and in turn it forces me to look at life
differently. What about someone who needs to start over, but has no motivation to do so? It is so difficult to make change when we are
stuck in our daily routine. Sometimes routine doesn’t allow us to see that there is a problem. This is where I am lucky. I am surrounded by
great people and I have a lot of support. People pick me up when I am down because they can see the difference from day to day. Let me
get to my point.
Life is very pointless if you do little with it. Tons of people struggle. Some struggle with illness and others with personal issues. Both can
be debilitating. Much of what I have written is about personal awareness and about change from within. This is different. I am asking that
anyone reading this reach out to those that you see that need to hit the reset on their life. Maybe it’s you and you don’t even know it, but by
helping someone else you actually help yourself. One of the best feelings in life is to make a difference somehow. It is so simple and yet we
rarely do it. I, myself am extremely guilty. It can be as simple as a phone call or a compliment to someone. You will never realize the
impact that caring and kindness can have on someone. It is truly life altering.
There is a decent chance I will not make it through my transplant. Many people ask if there is anything they can do for me and there rarely
is. However, I do have something this time. Try to do what I just asked. While I am getting my transplant it would bring me strength to
know that anyone reading this is making a difference to someone else. So, as I fight for my life maybe someone else will regain theirs. Oh,
and yes I just pulled the cancer card. I have to get my use out of it because it expires July 26, 2016 (after 5 years you’re considered cured).
Shane Varga Update 7-6-11
Over the last week I have been through several medical tests to make sure I am healthy enough to undergo my transplant. Apparently me
saying “Trust me, I’m good” was not enough. Seven tests later… I officially know what I already knew. I am ready! The date has been
set for July 20th.
With the beginning of the process starting next week, the high dose chemo regimen beginning on the 20th, the actual transplant of my own
stem cells back into my body will be on July 26th. This in a way will be my new birthday. I will be hitting the reset button on all my cells
and will completely start over. Kind of strange to know every one of my own cells will no longer exist after this procedure if it wasn’t for
the stem cells I am donating. Without a few bags of blood and cells, I no longer exist. Sure there would be other ways to keep me going,
but it makes you think.
I thought that we could all use a rebirth from time to time. You don’t have to get a stem cell transplant to hit the reset button on life, but I
imagine as hard as it is to believe, that it might be the easier approach sometimes. I have to do this and in turn it forces me to look at life
differently. What about someone who needs to start over, but has no motivation to do so? It is so difficult to make change when we are
stuck in our daily routine. Sometimes routine doesn’t allow us to see that there is a problem. This is where I am lucky. I am surrounded by
great people and I have a lot of support. People pick me up when I am down because they can see the difference from day to day. Let me
get to my point.
Life is very pointless if you do little with it. Tons of people struggle. Some struggle with illness and others with personal issues. Both can
be debilitating. Much of what I have written is about personal awareness and about change from within. This is different. I am asking that
anyone reading this reach out to those that you see that need to hit the reset on their life. Maybe it’s you and you don’t even know it, but by
helping someone else you actually help yourself. One of the best feelings in life is to make a difference somehow. It is so simple and yet we
rarely do it. I, myself am extremely guilty. It can be as simple as a phone call or a compliment to someone. You will never realize the
impact that caring and kindness can have on someone. It is truly life altering.
There is a decent chance I will not make it through my transplant. Many people ask if there is anything they can do for me and there rarely
is. However, I do have something this time. Try to do what I just asked. While I am getting my transplant it would bring me strength to
know that anyone reading this is making a difference to someone else. So, as I fight for my life maybe someone else will regain theirs. Oh,
and yes I just pulled the cancer card. I have to get my use out of it because it expires July 26, 2016 (after 5 years you’re considered cured).
| New Varga Update from July 21st in PDF form. Click here to read or download for later reading... |
| New Varga Update from Aug. 21st in PDF form. Click here to read or download for later reading... |